Discovery
by dsfeo78
Summary: Sequel to "At a Distance". Fast forward six months. How will the relationship between Jane and Maura hold up when personal demons try to interfer while they work a case that has everyone stumped
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is the sequel for "At a Distance". If you haven't yet read that story you may have some issues understanding some of the dynamics generally assumed for this story. Also, I will apologize again to every English teacher I had in my life. They all taught me better but my brain still functions through series of sentence fragments. Sorry you all have to suffer through that too.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are better off in the hands of those smarter than I. I'm still just taking them out for a spin and having fun doing so.**

Discovery

Detective Jane Rizzoli sat at her desk in the Homicide division for the Boston Police Department. She had hated homework as a kid. She always held to a theory that the nuns from the Catholic school she had attended purposely added unnecessary tasks to the assignments just because they could. Jane had thought she had escaped homework once she had finished school and had become a police officer. However, she was wrong. No one told her about the paperwork she would be required to complete daily for her job. And today, she felt buried in it.

She looked over at her partner, Detective Barry Frost, and took just a small piece of comfort. Looking at his desk, Frost's pile of papers had to be twice as high as Jane's. She had at least made a dent in her stack today. Frost's pile seemed hopeless. Jane threw down a file onto her desk in frustration.

"Can a person go blind from staring at small print for too long?" she asked as she pushed herself away from her desk and rubbed her eyes.

"If it's possible, I think I'm more at risk than you right now," Frost returned the comment. "Jane, I really, really hate paperwork."

"I know you do. That's half your problem. You put off doing it all until after the case gets closed. That's why your pile looks like that," she pointed to his desk. "If you maintained any of it at all your pile would at least look like that," and she pointed to her desk.

"But both piles suck Jane."

"True, but mine sucks half as much," she attempted a smile. Frost didn't find any humor in that. "Tell you what, I can power through my stack and be done in the next hour. After that, I'll help you with yours and then we can go get a drink at the Robber. Deal?"

This made Frost smile. "Deal," and he went back to his stack.

"But, you're buying," she added with a smile. Frost nodded in agreement. It was a small price to pay.

True to her word, Jane powered through her remaining files in just over an hour. Frost had made serious dent in his stack and between the two of them if they stayed focused there was hope that they could finish it all in about the next hour and a half. Jane pulled off two toxicology reports from his pile but also grabbed her phone before diving in.

_Drinks at Robber w/ Frost?_

She sent the text and waited for a response. Within a minute her phone vibrated its answer.

_I have about 2 more hours of work but I can meet you both_

Jane immediately smiled at the answer.

Frost, seeing the smile, commented, "Tell Maura I'm buying."

Jane nodded. It was nice that Frost could tell just by the look on her face that she was texting her girlfriend. Dr. Maura Isles was the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Boston, Massachusetts. Jane and Maura had been friends for five years but Maura had been Jane's girlfriend for six months. It had been the best six months of Jane's life.

_I have almost as much. Meet u there. Frost is buying_

She sent the text to Maura and again waited for a response.

_Got suckered into his paperwork again? :)_

Jane chuckled. Maura knew her so well.

_Of course…but misery loves company_

She put her phone back into the holster on her hip and started to help Frost with his paperwork. They managed to finish everything in an hour and a half. They gathered their belongings and started to head out for the Dirty Robber.

"Hey, text Korsak and tell him we are seeking shelter at the Robber. He should join us after his meeting gets out."

Frost pulled out his phone and typed out the text to Sergeant Detective Vince Korsak. "Done. Now let's get out of here before we get more paperwork."

Frost and Jane made their way to the Dirty Robber. It was a cop bar and their favorite hangout. True to his word, Frost ordered the first round of beer for him and Jane. Frost felt his phone buzz and he pulled it off his hip to review the message.

"Korsak is about ten minutes away."

"Good. Maura should be here in about fifteen."

Jane and Frost chatted about the upcoming football season. Both were New England Patriots fans and both felt that the Pats had a decent shot at returning to the Super Bowl this year. Jane still didn't want to talk about the loss to the New York Giants. It still hurt too much. Frost went to get round two for both and Jane watched as his attention was captured by a girl at the bar. Jane smiled knowing he would try to make a move and it would be awhile before she got another drink.

Watching Frost try to put the moves on an unsuspecting girl at the bar made Jane happy she was out of the dating scene. She had been with Maura for six months and couldn't be happier. It hadn't been anything she ever thought would happen. Their relationship took both of them by surprise. She smiled when she recalled that the only people who were genuinely surprised by their relationship had been Jane and Maura. Everyone else seemed to know they were in love before they did.

She let her mind drift back to how the announcement of their relationship had occurred. Even that hadn't gone as Jane expected.

_Jane and Maura had just returned from New York. It was a week filled with family drama for Maura and the realization of feelings for them both. Maura had just dealt with her father, Phillip, attempting to disown her as well as starting to work through a better relationship with her mother, Constance. Jane had followed Maura to New York when Maura had run off. Their time in New York had brought both into the awareness that their feelings were stronger than friendship. The first time they made love had been their first night back from New York._

_Jane's plan had been to not tell anyone about their relationship for awhile. She had told Maura she wanted time to just enjoy the change and each other alone. Maura, on the drive over to Sunday family dinner, had agreed to go at Jane's pace for informing family and friends and they had decided not to tell anyone that day. They both knew that Jane's mother, Angela, had expressed a desire that they get together but Jane hadn't wanted to share the news yet._

_As soon as they pulled up to Maura's house, Angela had practically bolted out the front door. Jane had expected to take the brunt of Angela's excitement in the form of a hug but Angela blew right by Jane and nearly tackled Maura in the driveway. Angela threw her arms around Maura and Maura had to stagger to keep her balance._

"_Maura! You're home! Oh my God, I'm so happy you are back!" Jane was convinced the neighbors could hear her mother. _

_Maura, although ready for Angela, wasn't really ready for Angela. She didn't quite know what to say. She tried to return the hug but Angela had such a bear hug on her that moving her arms seemed to be impossible. It took Jane calling her off to get Angela to release her hold on Maura._

"_Ma! You are going to hurt her!"_

_Angela, realizing that she may have been squeezing a bit hard, released her hold on Maura. "Sorry sweetheart! I've just been so worried about you!"_

"_I'm fine Angela, really. But your concern has meant a lot to me." Angela began to steer Maura into the house. _

"_What about me?" Jane asked feeling a little sorry for herself as Angela had gone straight to Maura and skipped right past Jane._

"_Oh, hi Jane. Will you get the bags?"_

_Maura had to stifle a laugh at Angela's disregard for Jane. She made eye contact with Jane and gave a look that conveyed that she was sorry. Jane smiled in spite of herself. Seeing her mother embrace and care for the woman she loved melted her heart. _

"_I'll get them. You two go on inside."_

_Once inside, Maura immediately sought out Bass. She had missed her tortoise immensely. Bass seemed no worse for the wear and he even popped his head out of his shell at the sound of Maura's voice. Angela did a recap of Bass' diet and activities while she was gone. As for Jane, Jane was pounced on by her dog Jo Friday as soon as she opened the front door. The pup was so excited to see Jane she was jumping up and down and running around in circles at Jane's feet. It was fair to say that both pets were happy their parents were home._

_After the pets had been corralled together, Angela reverted to true Hurricane Angela mode. She fired questions at Maura and occasionally Jane. Where had they been? What had happened? Where did things stand now? Maura did her best to fill in the blanks without rehashing too many pieces. She told Angela about Phillip and the dissolution papers. She told her about going to her place in New York and she told her briefly about confronting Phillip as well as the steps forward she took with Constance._

_Angela listened to it all and was appropriately angry at Phillip and happy about Constance. She took Maura into another embrace and told her that she always had a place in the Rizzoli family. That had made Maura tear up and they embraced again. All in all, Maura had weathered Hurricane Angela pretty well. Both Jane and Maura had then hoped that the arrival of Frankie and Tommy would distract Angela from asking anything further. They both would be mistaken. _

_Both Frankie and Tommy arrived together. They, too, had gone straight to Maura. Both hugged her and asked if she was alright. When she said yes, unlike Angela, the boys accepted that as enough and didn't press for any details. Jane was touched by the genuine concern her brothers had for Maura. Maura was a bit overwhelmed by it too. She knew that the Rizzoli family had taken her in but after the few weeks she had it seemed to reinforce her belief she really did belong in the family._

_What neither Jane nor Maura was expecting was that this particular family dinner night apparently included the extended family. Just as Frankie and Tommy got settled in front of the TV there was another knock on the door. Jane went to answer it and found both Frost and Korsak. She broke out into an immediate smile to see her partners._

"_Jane! You're back," acknowledged Korsak. "You can take your partner off my hands now." But he said it with a grin on his face._

"_Ha ha Old Man! You joke now but the first time you have an error message on your computer I'm suddenly going to be your best friend again." He smiled and entered the house. "Welcome back, partner," he said to Jane._

_And, repeating the scene that had already played out twice before, both men went straight to Maura and smothered her with hugs and questions about her well being. Both Korsak and Frost cared about Maura and had played a vital role in helping Jane find her in the first place. _

_Angela announced dinner would be in fifteen minutes. The boys all settled into the living room to watch TV until it was time to eat. Jane had tried to help her mother in the kitchen but things were well under control so Angela had kicked her out. "Go watch TV with your brothers."_

_Instead, Jane noticed Maura was absent from the scene. She assumed she had taken her bags up to her bedroom so she went looking for her. Once she got upstairs though, she couldn't find Maura. She had headed back downstairs and went out into the backyard. There she found Maura sitting on the deck._

"_Are you ok?" Jane asked suddenly concerned. She sat down next to Maura._

_Maura laced her arm through Jane's and leaned her head onto Jane's shoulder. "I'm better than ok. I'm home." Jane didn't even need to look at her to know she was beaming._

"_Yes, we both are. Come on, dinner is ready." She leaned in for a tender kiss and then helped Maura up._

_In the end it had been Maura's hand that had betrayed them. They all sat around the table letting the dinner conversation bounce around through multiple topics while the food was being passed around from person to person. It had been as simple as Jane passing a plate full of broccoli to Maura. Somewhere in the passing of the dish, Maura's fingers gently rubbed against those of Jane's and a smile was exchanged between them. Unfortunately for them at that moment, the gesture had not gone unnoticed by someone._

"_Oh My God! You two had sex!"_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jane took a swig of her beer. Six months later she still couldn't believe that was how it was announced that she was with Maura. And of all people, too. She would have expected a callout like that to have been from her mother. Maybe even Frankie. But no, neither of them had been the one that caught the touch, or the look, or both between Jane and Maura. She shook her head and took the last drink of her beer. No, the person responsible for letting her family know that she had started a relationship with Maura had just entered the Robber and was making his way over to the table.

_Instantly Jane felt five sets of eyes staring at her. At Maura. She vaguely remembered hearing the sound of at least two forks being dropped onto plates. And possibly the coughing sound of one of them almost choking. And then, silence. Neither knew what to do or say so both seemed to sit there and not say anything. But it was written all of their faces. There was no denying it. _

"_You did, didn't you?" said Korsak after his first observation elicited nothing but silence from Jane and Maura. "You two are together!"_

_Jane slowly put her own fork down. It was now or never apparently. "While I reserve the right not to comment on your first remark as that particular piece of information is absolutely none of your business, to answer you, yes," she reached over and wove her hand in Maura's, "Maura and I are together." She looked at Maura hoping that it was alright that she had taken the lead on answering the unexpected callout. Maura had nothing but compassion in her eyes._

_She then found herself staring at five set of stunned eyes. As she glanced from face to face she didn't see judgment or outrage on a single one of them. Just surprise and then slowly smiles were making their way across the faces of the men. But Jane stopped her survey when she locked eyes with her mother. Hers was a look different from the rest. It immediately made Jane nervous._

"_Jane, kitchen," was all Angela offered._

_Jane swallowed hard sensing panic coming on. She stood up and followed her mother. She looked back at Maura once and could tell Maura had no idea what to do or expect. She thought she heard one of the guys mumble under his breath "Took you long enough" but she was never sure about that. Her attention was too focused in on what was about to be a confrontation with her mother._

_Jane decided to try to be on the offensive and start the conversation, "Ma…" but that was all she got out. Her sentence was interrupted by Angela's bear hug around her daughter. Angela engulfed Jane and squeezed so hard that Jane believed suffocation was a real possibility. "Can't.…breathe….Ma….MA!"_

"_Oh!" Angela released her daughter and stepped back. "Sorry. Jane…" and she choked up on the words that she wanted to get out. Angela cleared her throat and tried again. "Is it true?"_

_Jane had regained her ability to breathe and because of the hug had felt more confident that Angela was not mad. "Yes Ma, it's true."_

"_All of it?" she asked with a sly look on her face._

"_Ma! That part is private," but Jane knew the fierce blushing of her face was answering even that question for her mother. There was absolutely no way she was going to talk about having sex with Maura with her mother. She'd storm out of the house first._

"_Oh, of course. I'm sorry. I just can't believe this. When were you going to tell me?"_

"_All of this just sort of happened Ma. Maura and I were going to try to get used to it ourselves before we shared it with others. But, you were going to be the first person I told had it not been for Korsak."_

"_Well thank God he has a big mouth! I know you Jane. You'd have probably taken this to your grave."_

"_Me? You're one to talk. Why did you never mention to me that you had some secret desire for Maura and I to end up together? You tell Maura and not me?"_

_Angela flinched a bit, "Janie, I….I was afraid if I ever made mention of it I'd scare you so much you would never, ever consider it just to spite me. You are not the easiest person in the world to talk to about feelings you know."_

_Jane knew Angela had a point. It would have completely freaked her out if her mother had ever suggested she make a move on her best friend. Softening, Jane replied, "Ma, we would have told you. Really we would have. Maura was up for telling everyone tonight but I'd wanted to wait a while."_

_Angela seemed to concede to that. A silence fell between mother and daughter. _

"_Are you ok with my being with Maura?"_

"_Janie, all I have ever wanted for you in life is for you to be happy. Do you think Maura can make you happy?"_

"_I believe so. I really do."_

"_Then nothing else matters. I love you. I love her. My 'secret desire' as you call it was because I've sat back and watched you two over the years. You both are so good for each other. You both seem to fill a need that the other has. I've never seen such a perfect fit before. I've never seen you open yourself up to anyone, myself included, the way you let Maura in. She has a piece of you I never thought you would let anyone have. That's why I've hoped you both would realize that what you share goes beyond the boundaries of just friendship."_

_Jane was touched. "And the whole female thing?"_

"_Jane Clementine Rizzoli!" That made Jane wince. "When are you going to give me any credit? Do you think I'm so close minded that I would let gender or something as stupid as homophobia interfere with my chance to finally get to see my only daughter find love with a wonderful person? Give me some credit here! Who gives a shit if she is a woman?"_

"_Language Ma!" Jane said instinctively. But then she approached her and embraced her. "Have I ever told you how lucky I am that you are my mother?"_

_Angela, now crying, just nodded her head. "But it never hurts to hear it again."_

"_I love you, Ma!"_

As mad as Jane had wanted to be with Korsak for being so blunt, he had done all of them a big favor. Getting Jane and Maura's relationship out in the open for them all ended up being the right thing. They avoided the anxiety of trying to find the right time, the right place to tell those that they considered family. And they all found out at the same time so no one got hurt by being left in the dark. No, Korsak boldly deducing that Jane and Maura were no longer platonic, while initially embarrassing, made life for both ladies easier.

"Hey Vince." Jane greeted. "Want a drink?"

"Yeah, but I thought Frost was buying."

"He was. He got distracted during his last run. Unless we both want to stay thirsty I'd better get this round. Besides, Maura is only about five minutes behind you." Jane worked her way to the bar and ordered two beers and a glass of red wine. Her timing was perfect as Maura was just entering when she made it back to the table.

"I thought you said Frost was buying," she greeted Jane with a kiss on the cheek. "Hi Vince," she greeted Korsak.

"He is. Sort of." And she pointed to Frost who was still making small talk with the girl at the bar.

"Oh. I see. He doesn't stand a chance," she said nonchalantly. Jane just smirked.

Korsak looked from Frost to Maura and back to Frost. "Oh, I don't know about that. He has a chance. He can be pretty smooth when he wants to be."

"I don't doubt the worldly charms of Barry, Vince. He is genuinely a very nice man. But, he doesn't stand a chance with that woman."

"Twenty bucks says he at least scores her phone number." Korsak was full of confidence.

"Don't do it Vince," was all Jane gave as a warning. She knew better than to ever go against Maura. Vince had not yet learned that lesson. She believed that he was about to learn it the hard way.

"Vince, I don't wager for money. However, morning coffee for a week to the winner and you are on," Maura smiled and put out her hand to shake on it.

"Deal." Hands were shook. And then all eyes stared at Frost and the woman at the bar.

Jane leaned in close to Maura. "Any shot at all?" she whispered.

"None. Simple kinesics," she whispered back. "Notice how the woman is leaning back from Frost when he talks and has her arms folded across her chest? If she was remotely interested in him she would be more inclined to lean into him to reduce the distance between them. To make the moment more intimate. She would also be attempting to encourage tactile contact with him but she is deliberately avoiding any physical touch. And I'm fairly certain she would be trying to flaunt her physical features, mainly her breasts, for his benefit instead of attempting to cover them from being admired by Frost."

Jane couldn't contain her laughter. "Don't worry Vince. I'll write down how she takes her coffee for you."

Korsak, unwilling to admit defeat, sighed. "It's not over yet." But no sooner had he said that than the three observers watched as the woman gathered up her belongings and made her way out of the bar. Frost hung his head and then slowly returned to the table. Once he fully lifted his eyes he was greeted by three smiling faces staring at him expectantly.

"What?" he asked. And realizing at they had been watching him all he offered was, "She had to leave. She's a law school student and has a test in the morning."

Korsak mumbled under his breath. Jane and Maura just laughed. Jane slid her beer over to him and went to order another one.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Be forewarned...this chapter is definitely more M than T...**

Chapter 3

The gang had enjoyed a relaxing night at the Robber. Maura did her best not to gloat about her victory over Korsak and there was small talk aplenty. As the night was winding down, Jane found herself creeping closer and closer to Maura. They had tried not to allow for too many public displays of affection but that didn't mean they weren't allowed to flirt with each other either.

Jane had gotten close enough to find herself rubbing her foot slowly up and down Maura's calf under the table. It wasn't so much the motion of Jane's foot that did something to Maura, it was the simple closeness of any body contact that sent shivers straight through her. It was taking all her effort to maintain any sense of control and stay engaged in the conversation that was presently occurring.

Jane sensed she was getting to Maura and it put a smile on her face. She decided to turn it up a notch. She discreetly lowered her hand under the table and slowly let it move towards Maura's leg. Maura was wearing a pant suit so Jane didn't have the skin access she would have liked, but she could make do with what she had to work with. Her hand started to slowly stroke Maura's inner thigh and Jane knew it had the desire affect when she saw goose bumps appear on Maura's arms and heard a slight hitch in Maura's breathing.

Maura, not sure how much longer she could keep composed if Jane kept this up, announced to the group that she was ready to head home. Jane smirked knowing exactly what Maura was really ready for but agreed that it was time for the evening to come to a close. They had taken separate vehicles, as Maura still insisted on both driving into the station separately, so Jane leaned into Maura and whispered, "Mine or yours?"

They had yet to resolve their current living situation. Maura continued to insist that Jane keep her place. Between their two jobs and the hours that they sometimes kept Maura wanted to make sure Jane still had a place to get away if needed. It was like her insistence on driving to work and crime scene's separately. Maura logically pointed out that most of the time Jane would have to leave for an interview or further investigation and Maura would have to return to the station to start an autopsy. She didn't want to impede upon Jane's job by having transportation issues.

So they had worked through a semi-system that found each spending about half their nights at the other's place. Jane wanted to live together but Maura was afraid to remove Jane's apartment from the mix as of yet. Their debate on where they spent their nights was a daily occurrence.

"Yours," whispered Maura back to Jane. "It's closer and I want you."

Jane beamed knowing their night was just beginning. "Not nearly as much as I want you. See you in a few." Korsak offered to escort Maura to her car and Jane and Frost left for theirs.

Ten minutes later Jane made her way to her place. Maura had arrived first and was waiting for her. As soon as Jane had opened the door, Maura had her in her clutches. Their lips met in immediate passion. The kiss was strong and passionate. Maura nipped at and sucked on Jane's bottom lip and that would always seem to elicit a soft moan from Jane. As the kissing continued to occupy their lips, their hands both started working on the clothes of the other. Jane got a better handle on Maura's blouse and had the buttons undone in no time flat. Maura quickly got caught up and both women were quickly striped down to bras before finding the need to break from kissing.

Jane let herself break from Maura's lips only to start to work on her neck. She started to layer Maura's neck with a series of interspaced kissed and licks from her tongue. Maura also let out a soft moan at the sensation of Jane's tongue on her flesh. Maura began to work the buckle on Jane's belt and had removed that and Jane's pants in record time. Jane stepped out of her pants and repeated the courtesy by removing Maura from her pants. Now both women were down to bra and panties. The breathing for both ladies had increased and they both know they needed to move themselves towards the bedroom.

Maura took Jane by the hand to start leading her towards the bedroom but Jane stopped and pulled Maura into another long, passionate kiss. Towards the end of the kiss, Jane picked up Maura in her arms and carried her into the bedroom, never breaking the kiss that they were both savoring. Jane laid Maura down on the bed and lowered herself on top.

It had been six months and Jane still couldn't get enough of Maura's scent. It was intoxicating and addictive. Jane and Maura allowed their hands to start exploring each other's body and it didn't take long for both to shed the last of their remaining clothing. Skin on skin contact between the two always sent shivers through Maura. There was no better feeling in the world than Jane's skin under or on top of her.

Jane allowed her mouth to work down from Maura's neck and towards her breasts. She took one into her mouth and worked over the hardened nipple while she stroked the other with her hand. Maura let out a moan that only encouraged Jane to continue. Slowly, Jane worked her way further down Maura's stomach leaving a trail of kisses down her finely toned abs. Jane lowered herself in between Maura's legs and slowly started to stroke the outside of her with her thumb. It was teasing, but then again Maura liked to be teased.

"Please," was the first word either had spoken since leaving the bar and Jane loved to hear Maura beg. Caught up in the moment Jane didn't tease for much longer and slid two fingers inside Maura hearing the gasp that she longed to hear. She worked her fingers into a rhythm she knew Maura enjoyed and gently let her thumb massage Maura's bud to increase the pleasure.

"Oh God!" let out Maura and Jane knew she was close. She quickened her pace just a bit and added another finger to her thrusts. That was all it took to get Maura over the edge. Jane felt Maura tighten around her hand and shutter. Maura released a cry of Jane's name as she allowed the orgasm to take over. Jane continued her rhythm as Maura rode out the wave of pleasure and slowly let her calm down. Maura's breathing was rapid and sweat was glistening over her body.

Jane gave her just a few seconds to start to recover and went to work on ending her recovery. She leaned into Maura and started to use her tongue to clean up what was created from her first go around. Maura, realizing that Jane wasn't done with her, arched her hips into the sensation of Jane's tongue. Jane paced with long, smooth strides of her tongue and it took no time at all to send Maura into a second, more powerful orgasm. "Jane!" was all she heard and Maura collapsed back onto the bed exhausted.

Jane worked herself with her lips back up Maura's body and finally found her lips again. A slow, passionate kiss was shared and Maura slowly began to recover. Jane loved the spent but peaceful look that was on Maura's face.

"I'm going to need a minute after that," breathed Maura.

Jane smiled and kissed her lightly. "We have all night."

It took a little more than a minute for Maura to completely recover but she did and it was now Jane's turn. Maura started to kiss Jane and moved slowly down her neck. She nibbled and scraped her teeth down a path to Jane's breasts. Working one of her nipples into her mouth she heard the first of what would be many moans from Jane work itself out. She savored the taste of Jane for a moment and finally moved herself down towards Jane's center.

Wasting no time Maura ran her tongue slowly between Jane's folds. Jane gasped and rocked her hips up into Maura. Maura went to work with her tongue lapping up Jane's wetness with each stroke. She maneuvered her tongue to Jane's bud and began to flick her tongue over it time and time again. Jane's breathing increased dramatically and Maura settled into a rhythm of her own. She was drawing Jane closer and closer but trying desperately to let the sensations last as long as possible.

"Maura….please…." moaned Jane.

"Please what?" she asked between licks.

"Faster. Please faster."

Maura obliged. She quickened her pace and it only took a few more licks to send Jane into her first orgasm. She heard Jane cry out her name as she felt her shutter and arch through it. Maura, wanting to return the favor Jane had bestowed upon her, let Jane recover long enough to catch her breath before she started to work her over a second time. This time she entered her with two fingers.

"Oh God Maur….I can't….."

"Yes my love, you can…." was Maura's confident answer. She worked Jane back up into a frenzy with her fingers and allowed her thumb to press up against her sensitive bud. Like Maura, it didn't take much effort to send Jane into ecstasy a second time. Maura felt Jane tighten around her hand and within seconds Jane was releasing again into utter pleasure. "Ohhhhh!" was all she could manage. Maura remained inside Jane until she recovered. She then moved herself up towards Jane and snuggled into her exhausted lover.

"I love you," Jane sighed right before falling asleep.

"I love you too," was Maura's answer as she too fell into a sound sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jane had to forcibly control her breathing. She was making too much noise and she knew it. Her instincts told her that what she was looking for was close, very close. But she had to be quiet. If she was heard before she could find it, it would be lost forever. So she forced herself to take slower, deeper breaths and she controlled the exhale as quietly as she could manage. She had to find it. It was her only hope.

The lighting was poor. She could barely make out her surroundings. A table off to the right. A chair in the opposite corner. But the detail was lacking. It was gray. Not black and white. Just gray. Several shades of gray. But gray none the less. She seemed to focus on the gray. Why? Why here? Why now? What could grayness tell her about what she was looking for? How could she find it if she couldn't see it?

_Think Jane!_ She was distracted. Too distracted. She couldn't think properly. She couldn't see the pattern. She couldn't see the picture or how it should look when she was finished. She scanned the room again but nothing new jumped out at her. She was hoping that giving her eyes time to adjust would help with the colors. It didn't. It wasn't up here. So if not up here then where? _Use logic! _If not up then down? Maybe down would work.

She moved to the stairs. How did they get there? She hadn't noticed them until she decided to try to go down. Then they appeared. Strange. What did that mean? She moved slowly across the room and looked down the stairs. Maybe it was down there. She would just have to go down and check. But what if it wasn't down there. Could she get back up here again? She didn't necessarily like it up here but it may be better than what was down there. She wasn't sure she wanted to risk up here for down there.

But she had to. Didn't she? Wasn't it expected of her? Wasn't she the one? It was waiting for her. Waiting for her to find it. And that meant going down. She took another deep breath still trying to remind herself to quiet her breathing. _Don't scare it off._ Not after she had come this far. One last deep exhale and she took a step down. Then another. And another. And another.

But she wasn't getting anywhere. She was stepping down but not getting any closer to down there. It was too far away. She couldn't close the gap. Why couldn't she reach it? That had to mean that it was there. If she couldn't get there then it definitely had to be there. Maybe she was going to slow. Maybe if her steps happened faster she could make progress. So she went faster. She stepped faster. And faster. And faster.

It didn't help. But then she heard it. It was moving. Getting closer maybe. Maybe not. She couldn't tell. _Think Jane. _She heard it again. But its sound was changing. And it wasn't changing for the good. _Run Jane Run!_ That was the last thing she remembered thinking before she took off running. How she got into the forest she didn't know but she was there. And running. Fast. Too fast. It would hear her. She needed to slow down. But could she?

Suddenly Jane sat straight up in bed. Panting, sweating and eyes darting all of the room. It took a couple of seconds but she snapped to enough to realize she was waking up from a nightmare. Panic slowly left her eyes and she turned towards Maura still sound asleep beside her. Seeing Maura grounded her even further. It was just a dream. She took a deep breath and tried to settle her nerves.

She was shaking. She forced her eyes to close and tried to think about the dream. What had it been about? She couldn't piece the images together to have it make any sense to her. She just knew she didn't like its aftermath. It jarred her. She wasn't expecting a nightmare. She hadn't had a single one since she started dating Maura. Her first one in six months.

She quietly got out of bed trying not to wake Maura. She didn't want her to worry. And a nightmare would make her worry. She couldn't even make sense of it to herself so trying to explain it Maura wasn't an option. Let her sleep. She threw on pants and a t-shirt and slipped into the bathroom. She didn't turn on the light until the door was closed for fear of waking up Maura. But once the light was on she got a look at herself in the mirror. She was drenched in sweat and pale. What was going on? She hadn't had anything like this happen in months.

She suddenly felt sick. Her stomach turned and she dropped to her knees and throw up. That was new. That had never happened before. Not even from nightmares about Hoyt. She finished emptying her stomach and pulled herself up from the floor. She washed out her mouth and splashed cold water on her face. That seemed to help. She brushed her teeth to help rid herself of the taste. She then sat on the floor and leaned up against the shower door. The coldness of the tile felt good.

She had no idea what was going on. She lost track of how long she sat on the bathroom floor. She was deep in thought and almost didn't hear Maura's knock on the door.

"Jane? Are you ok?"

"Um, yeah. I'll be out in a minute." She stood up and made one last attempt to splash water on her face. She toweled off and opened the bathroom door. Maura was standing there with a deep look of concern etched over her face.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me. I'm fine now."

Maura pressed the back of her hand against Jane's forehead feeling for any indication of a fever. She wasn't warm. She was much closer to cold and clammy than warm. "Are you sure you are ok?"

"Let's go back to sleep. Neither of us needs to be up yet." She walked back to bed and quickly got under the covers. Maura joined her. Her eyes still locked in on Jane trying to assess what was really going on.

Jane lay on her back and Maura snuggled up close to her. She could hear Jane's heart racing. "Jane?"

"I'm ok Maura. Really. I just hate getting sick."

Maura didn't like the brush off but knew Jane well enough to know it was all she was going to get from her at 3 am. So she wrapped her arm around her and tried to hold her tight. It was all Jane would allow for the moment. Maybe in the morning she would get a better idea of what had just happened.

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura. Feeling Maura next to her made the room not spin and it calmed her breathing. Maura always could center Jane. She was grateful for it more and more every day. Jane knew she would not fall back asleep but she closed her eyes anyway. If only to keep from seeing Maura's eyes scrutinizing her. If she was still enough maybe Maura would fall back to sleep. They both didn't need to be awake for no reason.

She thought Maura was getting close to slipping back to sleep when her phone rang. Normally she hated the middle of the night murder calls but she was grateful for this one. She needed the excuse, the distraction.

"Rizzoli."

"Sorry to wake you partner but we have work to do," answered Frost.

"Where?"

"I'll text you the address. See you in a few."

Jane hung up and counted to ten in her head. Maura had already retrieved her phone as soon as Jane's had rung. Three, two, one. Right on cue was the ring for Maura.

"Dr. Isles," she paused and listened. "I'm on my way."

They both looked at each other. One grateful for the distraction. One still concerned about the woman she loved. But both had work to do. They got up in silence and each went to get dressed. Leaving the apartment Jane realized this was the first time in six months she was happy to be driving to a crime scene in a separate car than Maura.

**A/N Sorry if this chapter was a little hard to follow. It's challenging to capture the essence of a nightmare but I did my best...**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Twenty minutes later Jane rolled on scene. She had started to shake off the effects of her nightmare on the drive over but her stomach was still queasy and felt like it could turn over again. She got out of the car and looked around. Too many cars with flashing lights for this early in the morning. She took in the neighborhood for a moment. Nice and quiet. Too nice for what was lurking behind the home she was about to enter. She walked up to the site officer. "Rizzoli 825," was all she said.

Frost greeted her at the front entrance. Jane smirked a little seeing his expression. Clearly he had seen the bodies. To his credit, he was not actively throwing up but he looked as if it had either already happened or it would by the end of this call. Poor Frost, she was hoping he would get past that part by now. However, considering what she had already been through this morning she was in no position to give him any grief today.

"What do we have?" she asked as she approached her partner.

"Double homicide. GSW in what I would classify as execution style. Both victims have single, close range shots to the back of the head. No bullet casings were found." Frost had stopped for coffee and had one for Jane as well. Her stomach almost turned over at the thought and she declined the beverage. Frost placed the unwanted drink on the hood of a police cruiser.

"You ok?" Frost asked as he looked at a paler than usual partner.

Jane merely nodded. "Let's go take a look."

Jane slowly approached the first victim. She pulled out a pair of gloves before bending down to look at the body. The victim was male in his mid-30s. He looked to be about 6 feet. He was dressed in business attire of slacks, shirt and tie and had well trimmed, brown hair. He had a small caliber GSW to the back of the head.

"Hands and wrists show signs of restraint," Jane called out to Frost who made a note. "Also, there is dirt or smudging on the knees of his pants. He could have been kneeling when he was shot. Let's make sure we bag the hands and wrists and I want to preserve the clothing as best as possible for further analysis."

She turned her attention to the second victim. He was male, slightly younger than victim #1 probably in his late-20s. He was also about 6 feet tall. In fact there was a good chance both victims would end up being the same height. Victim #2 was dressed more casually in fashion denim and a loose fitting T-shirt. Victim #2 had longer, straighter brown hair. He also had a small caliber GSW to the back of the head.

"Same signs of restraints on our second victim's wrists and hands. No smudges or dirt on his knees but his boots are scuffed at both toe points. Also, the bottom edge of his jeans seems frayed. Let's make sure we do the same for this guy. Bag the hands and wrists and let's do what we can to preserve any evidence and fibers that may be on his clothing." Frost continued to take notes. "It appears to a .22 but I'll need Maura to confirm that. She'll have to help with time of death too."

Jane backed away from the bodies and started to look around the house. Both victims were found in the living room area. Victim #1 was lying in the middle of the room and facing towards the back of the room. Victim #2 was about twenty feet from #1 but had fallen in the opposite direction more towards the entryway.

There was sound coming from the flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall. The station was tuned to ESPN and Sportscenter was on. "Was this on when responding officers arrived?" she asked.

"Yes. It wasn't very loud so we just haven't made an effort to turn it off."

"So what, both victims are home watching TV and someone binds them, shoots them and walks away? This doesn't feel right to me. Maybe they were killed somewhere else and placed here. The first Vic may have dirt on his knees from kneeling and he wouldn't have gotten that dirt from inside this room. Any signs of forced entry?"

"None."

"There's way too much high end electronics undisturbed to be a B and E unless the perp was caught early in the act. But if it was a busted B and E clearly the perp restrained the victims so why leave behind all the electronics? I'm not feeling this yet Frost, are you?"

"Not really. I have the same questions. Including how did both of these guys get into this house."

Jane looked confused, "I assume one of them owns this house or is related to whoever owns this house. Do we have an ID on either victim yet?"

"No."

"No? Neither has a wallet? Cell phone?"

Frost shook his head.

Jane looked a little confused. "Then whose house is this?"

"Owners are Harold and Vicky Marshall. Neither one over there is Harold. The Marshall's don't have any kids and are currently in New York on vacation. At this time they have no idea who would have been inside their home. They said no one has a key and they made no arrangements for any house sitter. They are heading back to help us check for any missing property and maybe help with the possible ID on either victim. Otherwise we will need to wait for fingerprint or DNA identification."

"Who found the bodies? If no one had access to the house who found these two in the middle of the night?"

"A neighbor called 911. Said he was walking his dog and noticed the light flickering in the living room from the TV. He knew the Marshalls were in New York so he got worried about a break in and called the police. Our guys did an entry and found the bodies."

"Did he hint that he heard anything like shots or gunfire?"

"No. Claims not to have heard a thing and wouldn't have noticed the lights if he hadn't been walking his dog."

Jane shook her head. This case was already giving her a headache. The scene looked staged and now they didn't have an ID for either. And with no sign of breaking and entering, how did they get here? And if they didn't know the Marshalls why were they here? Jane hated cases that started with all questions and absolutely no answers.

"Make sure we get plates for every car sitting out right now in a five block radius. If either of these two drove themselves here it would stand to reason that their car may still be outside. Let's make sure we start trying to match cars to owners in the morning as well. Did we check both these guys for car keys?"

"Neither had anything in their pockets," Frost added that to his notes. He then rounded up two officers to go to work on writing down vehicles and vehicle plates.

"Also, let's talk to the neighbor that called 911 again. That's awfully late to be out walking a dog. Jo gets a walk by 11 pm or she doesn't walk until the next day. Let's see if he wants to talk about strange cars on the street he doesn't recognize. If he noticed flickering light from a TV he may be the nosey neighbor type that can help us with the cars."

Jane heard the familiar sound of Maura's heels hitting the stairs as she walked into the house. Both Jane and Maura had managed to walk the line between professional and personal very well over the last six months. Both keep work extremely professional and there weren't any complaints about their behavior in the field or at the station. When they informed Cavanaugh of their relationship his only request was for them not to engage in public displays of affection at work. Otherwise he was genuinely happy for them both and wished them well. Neither of them saw working together and dating each other as something that couldn't be managed.

Maura walked into the room and headed for the two bodies. She started to go through her initial examines of each victim. She also noted the possible restraint marks on both victims' hands and wrists. She bagged the hands of each to help preserve the evidence. She also had sheets wrapped around each body to try to preserve any fiber evidence from the clothing.

She looked up at Jane who was standing in the corner surveying the room. She looked slightly better than she had an hour ago but she still looked pale. Maura expected Jane to start asking questions or floating theories on what she thought have happened. Jane was notoriously impatient and would attempt to get Maura to guess at some piece of evidence at just about every crime scene. But Jane was oddly quiet.

"What are you thinking?" she asked Jane.

"It's a weird situation. No ID on either victim. Close contact gun shots and possible execution poses. It feels personal with no forced entry into the home but neither victim seems to belong in this house."

"Both bodies have already passed through rigor and based on liver temperatures for both I'd estimate that both have been dead for at least 48 hours. There are signs of significant decomposition as well. I'll need to do autopsies to get a more accurate time frame for you. I'll do the autopsies first thing this morning. I'll know bullet caliber and trajectory of the shots by this afternoon as well."

"Thanks. I think maybe they were shot somewhere other than inside this house but that's a guess," she smiled at Maura. She knew Maura hated guessing at anything. "If you could make sure all the clothing for both victims makes it to the crime lab that may help out. There some smudges and fraying that might give us a clue here. Otherwise we'll have to run them through AFIS and CODIS to try and find an ID on either."

Maura nodded. "I'll take care of all of that." She looked at Jane again and saw her eyes are slightly glazed over. "Jane, are you feeling ok? Are you sure it was just something you ate that made you sick?"

Jane looked at Maura and saw she was worried. She wanted to reassure her that she was fine without discussing the nightmare which now was such a vague memory she wouldn't have been able to describe it even if her tried. "I'm alright Maura. Still a little nauseous but holding my own. Maybe it's a bug or something. I hope you don't catch anything from me."

Maura stepped forward and again held the back of her hand up against Jane's forehead. "Still no fever. Maybe it was just something you ate. You should drink fluids though. Vomiting will dehydrate you quickly."

Jane nodded. "I'll grab water when I get to the station. Frost offered me coffee but the very thought made my stomach turn."

"Coffee and caffeine are the last things you need right now. Water will do but you should really try something with electrolytes. I'll stop and get you some Gatorade at least on my way to the station," she looked around and with no one looking she kissed Jane's cheek. It was a rare show of affection at work and signs of just how worried she really was about whatever had happened this morning.

"Thanks. I have to go with Frost to speak to a neighbor. I'll see you at the autopsies later this morning," and she walked off.

Maura watched her walk away. _What aren't you telling me Jane? _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jane and Frost returned to the station after having talked to the neighbor again. He hadn't heard any noises and with Maura estimating time of death at more than two days ago Jane realized that line of questioning wasn't going to pan out. He was helpful with the questioning about cars. He had noticed three vehicles parked three blocks down the street that he hadn't seen before. He was able to provide descriptions but not license plates. Jane was optimistic that they could run down the list of cars they captured earlier this morning and find a match.

"I'll start scrubbing the list of vehicles to the ones the neighbor mentioned," Frost told Jane. They were making their way to their desks. Jane got to hers and found two bottles of Gatorade sitting there with a note from Maura.

_Drink these. It'll help. M_

She smiled. She started to feel guilty for not telling Maura she had a nightmare. She was trying not to worry Maura but she was now beginning to think not telling her was going to make it worse.

"You sick Jane?" asked Frost seeing the note. "You were looking rather pale this morning."

"It was just something I ate. I'm fine." She sat down at her desk and moved the two bottles aside. She opened one and took a drink. She knew Maura was right and that the Gatorade would help. "When are the Marshalls expected back from New York? Without a victim ID they may be our only other source of information for this case."

"They said they would be in town by 1 pm and that they would come straight to the station. I don't think they wanted to enter their house without an officer escorting them."

Jane nodded and looked down at her watch. Maura was going to start the autopsies any minute. She took another drink and turned to Frost. "I'm going to head down for the autopsies. Let me know when the Marshalls get here."

Jane got onto the elevator and went to hit the G button to go straight down but changed her mind and hit L instead. Getting off at the lobby Jane made her way to the Café. She saw her mother behind the counter and was glad to see she didn't have any customers.

"Hey Ma. Can you make a cup of coffee for Maura?"

"Jane! You snuck up on me," Angela said slightly startled.

"Sorry Ma. Didn't mean too."

"Coffee for Maura coming up. And for you?"

Jane just shook her head.

"Are you feeling ok?" Angela asked taking Jane's appearance in fully. "You are a little pale."

"So everyone keeps saying. I'm fine Ma. I just ate something that didn't agree with me."

"You should drink something. Not coffee but something."

"Maura got me Gatorade Ma. It's upstairs and I have been drinking. I'm fine. Really."

And she was better. The nausea had improved and she no longer as disoriented by the nightmare as she was earlier this morning. She still had no idea what the dream was all about. Thinking about it now just conjured up more uneasy feelings than memories of images or details. As the day progressed the dream was falling further and further from her mind. Having a new case was helping to occupy her mind.

Angela finished getting Maura's coffee and handed it to Jane. "Janie, you have to take better care of yourself," the tone was nothing but motherly.

"I will Ma. Maura will see to it." She smiled as she said that. It was nice having Maura taking care of her. She had to an extent before but since they had been together Jane found that she let Maura do more things for her than she had in the past. She certainly had never eaten so healthy in all her life.

She turned to leave but saw Frankie walking up towards the Café. She smiled. He looked so cute in his suit. Frankie had been promoted to a detective for the Robbery division about three months ago. Jane had hoped that he would get a homicide position but she knew that he would have to cut his teeth as a detective in another division before Homicide was realistic. She was just glad her baby brother's first detective job hadn't turned out to be in narcotics. She would have worried for him more than even her mother. Robbery was a good fit for him.

"Hey little brother. How's Robbery treating you?"

"Good. Really good. Harris has been good to partner with."

"Harris is a good cop. You'll learn from him." She was proud of him for making detective. She did, however, miss getting to see him more. When he was a patrol officer he was allowed to tagalong with her and Frost on many cases. Now that he had his own cases to work they saw each other in passing and at Sunday family dinners. She missed him but it was a small price to pay to see him succeed and be happy.

"Going down to see Maura?"

"Yeah, she's probably already started on the two I caught this morning. I should go. See you for dinner Sunday?"

"As always," he smiled and walked into the Café.

Jane headed down to the morgue. She was correct. Maura had started the autopsies already. She entered the room and thought that even standing over a body Maura was the most beautiful sight in the world. That put a smile on her face.

"Thought I'd return the beverage favor," she announced as she carried over the coffee. "I mean I know Korsak owed you coffee this morning but considering how early our morning got started I figured you could use a re-load. Thank you for stopping for mine this morning, it has helped." She wanted to acknowledge that she got her Gatorade and had drank some of it.

"Oh thanks. And you're welcome," she looked up briefly but was right in the middle of extracting something so her focus went right back to the victim on the table. She finished the extraction of the bullet and placed it in a container. She backed away and returned her gaze to Jane. "You look like you feel better. You're still a bit pale. That could be an indication of anemia or even hypoglycemia. Maybe you should see a doctor."

"I don't need a doctor, Maura. I have you. And I do feel better. I'm not really nauseous anymore." Jane met Maura's eye when she said this to try to help lessen her worry. After a moment she looked away. "So, what do you have so far on these two?" she indicated to the two victims on Maura's autopsy tables.

It was clear to Maura that Jane wasn't ready to talk about what happened this morning. She was convinced that there was something more to her being sick than just something she ate. Her racing heart and how cold and clammy she was this morning indicated the real possibility of a nightmare. That surprised Maura because Jane hadn't had a nightmare in several months. She loved Jane deeply but she could get easily frustrated with the stubborn detective. When Jane didn't want to talk about something she threw walls up faster than anyone Maura had ever known. This was not the place to get into any of it so she decided to let Jane divert the conversation for the moment and she refocused on the task at hand.

"I place time of death 72 hours ago. It's not exact but given the rate of decomp I would say they were likely shot late Sunday night or early Monday morning. I've extracted both bullets and both are from a .22. I'll be able to look at the striations to see if it was the same gun here in just a minute. I'll have ballistics confirm either way. Powder burns around both wounds suggest both were shot at close point blank range and both have a trajectory of a downward angle so you were right about both being on their knees at the time they were shot. I would agree with your 'guess'," and she rolled her eyes, "that they were shot somewhere other than in that house. There was no spray pattern found at the scene to suggest the shots occurred there."

Jane nodded and looked from victim to victim. "So we are looking for a second crime scene now as well. Any other injuries? Any signs of struggle or a fight?"

"Not so far although I have only done a cursory investigation of the bodies outside of the gunshot wound itself. I'll know more later today on that."

"How about the hands and wrists?"

"They were both restrained. I have pulled some material and fibers from each of their wrists and those are set to run for analysis. Both appear to have adhesive residue around the wrists and mouth. Also, multiple fibers were extracted from the clothing of each and those have been sent off for comparison to the sample fibers from the carpet and furniture of the house."

"So both were bound and at least at some point gagged. But the adhesive, I'll assume duct tape," she looked at Maura's disapproving look for assuming anything, "I said 'assume'. I don't have any issues with assumptions. That's your hang up Doc. I'll assume duct tape was used but the tape was removed at some point. Why bind and gag someone just to remove both and then kill them? Or maybe they were shot and then had the duct tape removed."

Maura learned along the way that Jane talked out loud through cases and evidence when she was confused. She knew Jane wasn't really asking her the question so she didn't answer. "There was definitely a foreign substance on the pants for victim 1. I have sent that out to be analyzed along with the frayed denim of victim 2. Victim 2's boots showed scuff marks on both boot toes and that is being looked at as well."

"Any hits on CODIS for an ID for either? So far we don't have anything from AFIS on prints."

"No match has been found yet but the samples are still running."

"So, still no IDs. Both victims shot at point blank range, probably with the same gun. Both at a downward trajectory to suggest both were on their knees at the time of the shots. Both were bound and gagged at some point with duct..adhesive material," she said with a smile. Suddenly something occurred to her. "Hey, are you running a tox screen?"

"Yes on both but I won't see those until tomorrow." She could tell Jane was getting lost in thought about something. "Jane?"

Jane looked up, "Oh sorry. I was just thinking there's something off about it but this seems too deliberate to be personal. A second location and removal of the adhesive material. These bodies were staged inside that house."

"I should have more substantial information for you by the end of the day."

"Thanks." Her phone vibrated in the holster. She pulled it out and read the text. It was from Frost. The Marshalls were there. "I have to run." She started to leave the morgue and stopped turning to Maura. "Hey Maur?"

"Yes?"

"I really am ok," she said with a smile.

"I'll be up later with some preliminary reports," Maura added but felt better about Jane seeing her give a reassuring smile.

"See ya," Jane added and she went to join Frost in the interview room.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Jane met up with Frost. Before going into the interview room she got Frost up to date with Maura's initial findings. Frost had made headway on the vehicles finding six possible matches from the neighbor's description of cars parked nearby the house. He was running the six vehicles and tracking down the owners.

"This is a staged crime scene. Both victims were shot somewhere else and dumped in this house. Until we can confirm their IDs," she turned to the interview room, "these two people may be our best shot at getting to the bottom of this."

"Should we split them up or talk to them together?"

"Let's divide and conquer. I want to get a feel for each of them on their own. I'll take the Mister. You take the Misses." Frost nodded and had both Marshalls escorted to separate interview rooms.

Jane gathered up her files and entered the interview room. As it turned out Harold Marshall was a very nice 58 year old convenience store owner. He has been married to his wife, Vicky, for 30 years. It took Jane all of about five minutes to determine that Harold had nothing to do with what was found inside his home. It took Frost half that time to figure out that Vicky Marshall knew even less than what Harold knew.

Having been shown the photos of the two victims Harold could not identify either one. Neither could Vicky. Harold explained to Jane that he took his wife to New York for a week every year for their anniversary. They had been gone for six days when they received the call about the murders. He confirmed that they had no children and that he was unaware of anyone having a key to his house other than his wife. He did not leave any spare sets of keys at the convenience store. He hasn't had a new employee at his convenience store in over five years and has no reason to suspect someone who works for him to be tied up in anything that would lead to bodies being dumped inside his house. Harold knew of no issues with any customers or vendors and their finances were stable.

Frost got the same type of information. Vicky Marshall was 57 years old and worked in the convenience store with her husband. She confirmed their yearly trip to New York as well as their travel dates. Both Marshalls were out of time well before either victim was killed. Vicky confirmed that no one to her knowledge had keys to the house and that they didn't keep any extra sets of keys at the store. She didn't know if any issues at the store financially and it was her job to handle the bookkeeping. She knew of no issues with employees or customers. She confirmed that all the store staff had been with them for at least five years.

Jane and Frost ended their interviews with the Marshalls at virtually the same time. As both were being escorted out by an officer, Jane realized there was one more thing she wanted to ask them.

"Excuse me Mr. Marshall just one more thing. When did you move into that house?"

"We bought this house two years ago. It was supposed to be my wife's dream house," he reached over and grabbed his wife's hand. "It now has turned into a nightmare."

Jane flinched at hearing the word nightmare. Her mind flashed to the imagery of the house and the gray room for a moment. She felt a knot in her stomach and was washed over with a wave of nausea. She forced herself to regain control and looked back up to the Marshalls. "Thank you. The officers will escort you to the house now."

As they walked away Jane found herself needing to lean against a wall to regain a sense of balance. She felt an odd sense of panic and she had to look around to reassure herself that she was in fact still standing inside the police station. She started to take quick, shallow breaths to ride out the nausea. _What the hell?_

Frost came up beside her and gently put his hand on her elbow. "Jane? Are you ok? You look like are you are going to faint?"

"I'm, um, I'm ok. Just fighting off the urge to throw up again."

Frost stepped back for a second and looked at Jane. She was pale, just as she had been that morning and there was a bead of sweat that had broken out across her brow. She was clearly fighting the urge to get sick. Frost carefully led her to her desk. He went to grab his phone and Jane placed her hand on his stopping him.

"Don't text her Frost. Just give me a second. I'm fine."

Reluctantly Frost put his phone down. He got Jane some water which Jane sipped and Frost could see her hands were shaking. "Jane, maybe you should just go home. You are obviously sick."

"No. I'm fine. I just am fighting some flu bug or something. I don't need to go home." Jane hated losing control. Control was an absolute need for Jane. Every moment, every situation she needed to feel as if she was the one that determined what happened. Losing control made her feel weak, small. She hated feeling weak. She never wanted anyone to perceive her as weak. She hated having people think she needed help. She knew Frost wouldn't think less of her if she did go home but she still wouldn't consider it.

She turned herself in her chair and tried to steady herself and refocus. She had a case to try and figure out and she had nothing to go on. Now was not the time for the flu, a nightmare or whatever it was that was throwing Jane off her 'A' game. _Get a grip on yourself _she thought. She shifted a pile of papers around and once she felt the shaking stop she looked back over at Frost.

"Seriously Frost. I'm alright. I didn't even hurl this time. Definite progress. Let's go over the interviews again and see if any information about those six cars has come back yet. Plus Maura should have more results ready for us soon. We are nowhere on this case right now and I'm not going to let a little stomach flu get in the way of us making some progress."

Frost knew it was pointless to argue with Jane when she made her mind up about something. She was not going home. Frost swore he had never met anyone in his life more stubborn as Jane Rizzoli. He grabbed a file and went back to work. Maybe Maura would talk some sense into her when she brought up some reports later. "If you get me sick too Jane, there will be hell to pay."

She sensed he was giving up the fight on sending her home. "If I get you sick too we can both hang out at Maura's and let Korsak deal with all of this. But I really am ok and since Maura isn't sick yet I doubt whatever this is is contagious. She'll get it from me first." Jane shifted back to the case at hand. "So, after talking with the Marshalls I'm at a complete loss. Do you have any ideas?"

Frost shook his head, "Not really. This doesn't seem to have anything to do with them at all."

"So why their house? Why now?" Jane asked frustrated. "It doesn't look like this has anything to do with them so maybe we need to track down who owned that house before they bought it. Maybe it's the about the house and not the owners." She paused and looked at some of the files on her desk. "We really need an ID on these two Vics or we are never going to figure this out. Anything on the cars yet?"

Frost hit several keys on his keyboard and pulled up a report. "Hey, we may have something here. One of the cars the neighbor pointed out as suspicious, the 2008 Toyota Camry, is registered to a Jason Pollard. Registration paperwork has his address all the way over in South Boston so why is his car sitting on a Charlestown side street for four days?"

"Pollard? Pull up a photo."

Frost hit a few more keys and pulled up Pollard's DMV photo. Jane and Frost looked at a photo of Victim #2. "Jane, that's the second victim."

Jane nodded. At least they ID'd one of the two victims. "Run Pollard. Let's see what we have. Let's look for any connection he may have to that house or neighborhood." She was quiet for a minute. Her focus was interrupted by Korsak walking into the bullpen to get caught up on where they stood. He had been tied up in departmental staff meetings for the week and you could tell he was looking for something more meaningful to fill his time than another meeting.

"How's it going?" he asked as he walked in. He stopped when he saw Jane. "Damn Jane, you look like something the cat dragged in. You feeling ok?"

Jane, now getting a little defensive, "Look, I get it. I look like shit. I have some stomach thing but I'm not on my deathbed here. So let's just focus on this case, alright?"

Both Frost and Korsak threw up their hands in a surrender pose. "Alright, alright," Korsak said, "don't shoot us for worrying about you. We'll move on."

Jane felt instantly guilty for being bitchy with both of them. "Sorry. I'm just tired and people have been pointing out how awful I look all day. I didn't mean to snap at you both." She then proceeded to get Korsak up to date on what little they had so far.

"I'm with you Jane. This is really weird. You're right about the staging. And I think you may have a point about this being tied to the house since it doesn't appear to have anything to do with the current owners."

Jane felt slightly better that Korsak was puzzled too. Misery really did love company. Then another thought occurred to her. "These guys have been dead for three days. Frost, check missing persons reports for the last three days to see if maybe someone reported either of our victims missing."

As Frost was running a detailed check on Pollard and checking missing persons, Maura entered the bullpen with several reports for the detectives. She immediately noticed Jane was still pale and that worried her. Something clearly was wrong and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. But Jane had that look she got when she was completely enveloped in a case and Maura knew from past experience this was not the time to corner her about either her health or any personal issue. She also took note of the looks on both Frost and Korsak's faces when she entered. She got the distinct impression that both had gotten recently spanked by Jane, probably for commenting on her obvious poor health. Now was definitely not the time for Maura to add to Jane's defensiveness.

"I have several lab reports back for you," she said as she approached Jane's desk.

"Good. We have an ID for the second victim. His name is Jason Pollard. We are still working on the first victim's ID." Jane took the files from Maura and avoided making direct eye contact with her. Jane knew Maura was observant enough to realize she hadn't completely recovered from this morning and that second episode had not helped her cause.

"Nothing has come up in CODIS for either victim. They don't appear to be in the system. But, ballistics has confirmed that the same gun was used to shoot both victims. Also, that foreign substance on the knees of Victim #1's pants is a mixture of soil and propylene glycol."

"Prop a what?"

"Propylene glycol. It's a chief chemical compound found in hydraulic fluid."

"I wonder how someone wearing a suit get's hydraulic fluid and dirt on his knees?" Frost asks.

"What else?" asked Jane.

"I don't have anything back yet on the fibers from the clothes but the adhesive residue found on both victim's wrists and mouth was consistent with the scrim and low density polyethylene you would see from," and she looked at Jane, "use of Duct tape as a restraint." Jane smiled at that. She enjoyed it when a guess turned out to be correct. "The fiber analysis from the clothes, the tox screens and the analysis of the boots from Victim #2, or now more accurately Jason Pollard, won't be ready until tomorrow."

Jane nodded and was flipping through the pages of the reports Maura was delivering. "Did you find any other wounds or injuries?"

"No. Outside of the gunshot wounds both victims were in good health. No bruising, scrapes or signs of additional trauma on either."

"Thanks Maura," Jane started. She was going to say something else but at that moment she was flagged down by Korsak who was walking towards Cavanaugh's office. "Excuse me," she said as she went to follow Korsak into the Lieutenant's office.

"Maura, is Jane ok?" Frost waited until Jane was out of earshot to ask the question.

"I don't think she's feeling very well today actually."

"I know. She looked pretty pale this morning at the crime scene and then…" he hesitated for a moment.

"Then what?"

"And then about an hour ago she almost fainted."

"What happened?" Maura asked as she shifted her focus to Jane who she could see through Cavanaugh's window.

"We had finished the interviews with the Marshalls and as they were about to leave Jane asked one more question. I thought everything was fine but as Marshall was answering the question she turned really pale and almost took a nose dive. She claimed she was just fighting the urge to be sick but it looked like more to me. I told her to go home, but you know how she is."

"She refused," Maura finished Frost's thought. Frost nodded. "Thanks Barry."

Maura walked up to Jane's desk and leaned against it crossing her arms. And she waited.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jane headed out of Cavanaugh's office and saw Maura. One look at her and Jane knew she was in trouble. Maura stood arms crossed and leaning into Jane's desk just waiting to pounce. If looks could kill, Jane may have found herself on Maura's own table in that moment. Definitely in trouble. _Frost! _Her own partner had sold her out. Jane calculated the likelihood of getting out of this situation without the full wrath of Maura coming down upon her. Her odds were slim and she knew it. Slowly she crept forward.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" Maura asked in a slanted but firm tone.

Jane shot a death stare at Frost who had conveniently found a reason get up and go anywhere but where he was sitting at that moment. "Um, Jane…I'll go wait downstairs by the car." Jane hadn't seen him run that fast since, well since ever. _Coward! _

Maura didn't bother herself with the movement of Frost. Her eyes were fixed onto Jane. And she waited. She had asked a question and she was going to wait until she got an answer.

Jane looked around the bullpen and swore she saw the lightning quick flash of Korsak running for cover as well. She was sure he had a hand in this too.

"I love you?" she tried. She knew it wouldn't work. But she tried.

"Jane Rizzoli!" It hadn't worked.

"Maura," and for the moment that was all she was going to get out.

"Seriously Jane! What is going on with you? And don't spit out any nonsense about something you ate or some stomach flu. This is me you are talking to or not talking to would be a more accurate description right now. I want to know what happened this afternoon. Frost said you almost fainted. And I want to know what happened this morning. What is it?"

Jane figured she had roughly ten seconds to come clean or face what was about to be their first fight as a couple. She didn't relish fighting with Maura at all and she certainly didn't want a fight between them to be the talk of the entire Boston police department. And then she realized she was standing in the middle of the police department. And this wasn't going to be where they had this conversation.

"Maura, can we talk about this later?" She held her breath as she was pretty sure this wasn't what Maura wanted to hear at that particular moment.

"Jane," but this time Jane cut her off.

"Really Maura. Look around. I don't want to talk about this _here_," she put as much emphasis on the word 'here' as she could hoping that Maura would understand that she wasn't avoiding the topic but their location. It worked, sort of.

Maura did look around and realized that there seemed to be several sets of eyes peaking through blinds or around corners. It hit her that this was probably not the best place to have any kind of serious conversation. She knew if she pushed it would only upset Jane and that wasn't what she wanted to happen. "Alright then, where would you like to have this conversation?"

It was a reprieve. A small delay and Jane felt as if it was a major victory. "Home. Tonight." She gave a look of somewhat desperation to Maura. _Please agree._ "I have to do a notification with the family of our second victim."

Maura loosened. She knew Jane still had things she had to attend to. Realistically this did have to wait. She nodded her head in agreement.

Jane saw the nod. She stepped a step closer. "Tonight. I promise."

"Mine or yours?"

Jane thought for a second. "Yours."

Maura nodded. She turned to leave. Stopping, she spun around. "At least answer me this. Are you ok to do the notification?"

"Yes," she answered as softly as she could.

Maura nodded and stepped towards Jane. She paused when she was almost parallel to Jane. She let the fingers from her left hand reach out and stroke the fingers of Jane's left hand. It was a quick brushing but Jane was calmed by the mere contact with her. "Tonight then." She broke contact with Jane and walked away. Before completely clearing the room she turned, "Oh and Jane?" Jane looked up to meet Maura's eyes. "I know it was a nightmare." She walked off.

Jane stood as if frozen in place. It took a few minutes to recover. But she did. And she stormed off to find Frost.

Maura rode the elevator down furious and frustrated with Jane. What set her off wasn't so much that there was a problem or that something was wrong. What set her off was that Jane wasn't going to tell her about it. She knew that if Frost hadn't told her about Jane almost fainting Jane would never volunteer that to her. Ever. And that frustrated her. She knew how Jane was. She had dealt with it for years. The walls. The barriers. The half answers. It bothered her then but it hurt her now. They had been through too much for Jane to keep things from her. She had hoped their relationship evolving into a mutual love affair would start to fix that within Jane but clearly it hadn't.

Maura walked into the Café for a coffee refill. It look Angela all of two seconds to see she was upset about something.

"Maura, honey, are you ok?" She looked at Maura again and then asked, "What did she do?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Honey, I only ever see you look that upset and worried at the same time when it has something to do with my daughter. So I guess it's obvious to me. What did she do? Are you worried because she was sick today?" Angela led Maura over to a table to sit and talk.

Maura let out a heavy sigh. Part of her wanted to tell Angela everything. She was someone she could bounce thoughts and frustrations off of who may have some good Jane insights that might help Maura figure out the ever changing puzzle that was Jane Rizzoli. But part of her knew better than to fully take advantage of Angela's keen insight. This was Jane's mother. And as much as both Jane and Maura adored Angela, she was a little overbearing at times and Jane would kill Maura if she told her too many intimate details about their lives. Maura had a very fine line to walk when she spent time with Angela.

"Well, I'm certainly not happy with her being sick. She's so damn stubborn. She won't even consider going home." That helped a little and Maura knew none of that had crossed a line with confidentiality yet.

"Maura, you know how she is. She sees sickness as weakness. I swear she would crawl into work on her deathbed if she thought even one person would think her less than what she was."

"But that's just crazy. This entire precinct knows how strong she is. She has more than proved that, repeatedly. She has more strength than any man in this building. I just don't get why she won't ever relax just a little bit."

"I think she's afraid that if she relaxes, even for just a second, it will become easier to relax even more and that at some point she will have lost the grip she has on herself and her emotions. Jane has always walked a very tight line between being tough as nails and still allowing herself to feel emotions. I think she worries if she loosens up she will lose that balance and maybe even herself."

The sincerity with which Angela spoke shocked Maura. It made her wonder something. "Angela, can I ask you something?"

"Anything honey."

"What was Jane like before she became a cop?"

Angela was taken a little by surprise by that question. A strange expression crossed her face, something that looked like a mix between a smile and a sad frown. Maura couldn't really place its meaning. "Jane was….Jane was a lot like she is now but different, too. Independent. From the time she could do anything on her own, she demanded that she did things on her own. She would refuse help from anyone, well anyone except Frankie. He was always the only one that could ever do anything for her. Never Tommy. Never me or Frank. Just Frankie.

"I think that's why they are both so close even now. They were inseparable when they were kids. She adored him and he her. Don't get me wrong. She loved Tommy but there was something special between Jane and Frankie that Tommy just never seemed to duplicate with either of them. Sometimes I think that lead to some of Tommy's drinking issues later in life. He was always jealous of Frankie and Jane. Both always included him in everything and tried not to flaunt their closeness, but it was readily apparent to everyone, including Tommy, that theirs was a special relationship.

"Loyal. She's always been fiercely loyal to anyone she cared for that was part of her from an early age. There was something about her nature that always brought out the protector within her. Once you were in with her, you were in and she would do anything for you. Her need to protect the ones around her was always the reason I wasn't surprised when she announced that she wanted to be a cop. I think the protective nature of the work was what called to her at an early age.

"Bright. She really is smart. She downplays it a lot. I think she could have done anything she wanted in life. She could have been anything she wanted. She could have been a doctor too. She is that smart. A lawyer or a fancy scientist. I had wanted her to go to college. A good college. Not a junior college. She would have made a great student. I mean, she would have done great at Harvard. I just know she would have gotten in if she had only applied. But she refused. She claimed she found her calling with law enforcement. In many ways she was right but I still always wished."

Maura was in awe of Angela as she was speaking about Jane. The love that Angela conveyed touched Maura deeply. Maura remembered Jane telling her that she applied to and was accepted to BCU but never told her parents. She wished more than anything she could tell this to Angela but she knew it wasn't hers to tell. So she just continued to listen.

"Brave. She was always the brave one. The risk taker. The one that accepted every dare, every challenge no matter how crazy or dangerous. It drove me crazy with worry because it impacted two of my children. Mainly Jane because she did it first. Always first. But if she did whatever crazy stunt she was dared to and she survived without injury, Frankie was two seconds behind her. I was always grateful he was at least smart enough not to try to out-do her and not to attempt anything if she had gotten injured. Although she wouldn't have ever allowed him to do anything if she couldn't make it through the dare.

"Selfless. She never thought of herself first. Others always came first. Seemed to be more important. Even as a kid there was never a selfishness to her personality. She didn't want things. Presents at Christmas and for birthdays, Jane was always the toughest to buy for. She never asked for anything, not really. She appreciated what she got but things were never really that important to her. Once she had money to buy gifts she liked the holidays more. She had a better time giving than receiving.

"Private. I think the hardest thing for me to ever understand about Jane was how she could be socially outgoing but immensely private at the same time. She didn't reveal anything about herself to anyone. Ever. But, she wasn't the recluse with no friends either. She had plenty of friends all throughout her life. She was active and social and outgoing. But if you had asked any of them to name even one personal, private thing about Jane I bet you all of my money that they wouldn't be able to do it. Nobody really ever got to know her. Not me. Not even Frankie. No one. Except you. You would have cost me my life savings."

Maura did a double take on that last part. She hadn't expected that. She looked at Angela and noticed for the first time that Angela's eyes were tearing up.

"It's true Maura. Until you came along I don't think Jane shared any part of herself with another living soul. She had friends. Even people I would have called 'best' friends throughout her life. But I knew she never talked about herself. Not the personal, the really private stuff. The things that made her who she was. Thoughts, feelings, dreams. The intimate pieces of herself she utterly refused to discuss. It's how she got so good at deflecting and diverting questions away from herself. Years of practice. Funny thing is everyone who was her friend always walked away feeling like they knew her. But again, if you asked the right question, they didn't know her at all. Truthfully, I don't really know her. But I think you do," said she and she reached over and squeezed Maura's hand.

A few tears fell down Maura's cheeks and Angela gently wiped them away. "I wonder sometimes Angela. I really do. There are places within her she won't let me near. Even now. Even after all we have been through. There are places I can't reach."

"Keep trying. You've gotten further than anyone ever has. Further than I dreamed Jane would let happen. Don't give up on her. I know she can be frustrating. But she is worth it. Being loved by her is a unique experience Maura. Something only a handful of people has ever gotten to see."

"What's behind the sadness in your look?" Maura asked finding the courage to ask that from somewhere.

Angela sighed. "It comes from knowing that even with all the things I can say she was: smart, brave, selfless, independent, loyal, beautiful, even with all of those there is one I can't say. And it has always concerned me." She paused and looked into Maura's eyes. "Maura, I've never been able to say that I saw Jane as happy."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Just wanted to thank everyone for following me over to this sequel. Thanks for all the responses, feedback, follows and favorites. As always- I am truly humbled. Now, I realize that I have some of you confused and guessing as to where all of this is going…I ask for patience. Again, I know where I want to end up and it makes sense in my head. But- I will clarify 2 things for everyone. 1- No baby/pregnancy (that isn't where this is at) and 2- No major illness for Jane (I'm not going there either). Otherwise, I now return you to your regularly scheduled chapter update… (And yes, I am enjoying that you guys haven't figured out my craziness yet) **

Chapter 9

Jane worked her way out to the exit and found Frost standing by the car. "You had to say something to her? Really?"

Frost stared back at her standing his ground. "Yes, as a matter of fact I did have to say something to her. God knows you wouldn't have." He rarely challenged Jane in the years they had been partners. This surprised her.

"I don't know what you are talking about. She knows I was sick this morning. Hell, apparently everyone knows I was sick this morning. For all the shit I've been taking today I should have just stayed home."

"Not likely Jane. You can't bench yourself. You never have and I doubt you ever will. Look, I'm sorry if I unleashed her on you like that but what do you expect from me? Something is going on with you and you are not talking about it. Like usual I might add. I've never known anyone who cuts herself off from people as fast as you do. Never in all my life. If you think that I will continue to sit on the sidelines and quietly let you push away the people who care about you then you don't know me very well."

Jane was momentarily stunned. "Frost…"

"Jane, I'm sorry. I'm probably over stepping my bounds here but it's only because I care about what happens to you. Clearly there is something going on. I've never seen you react the way you did today from just something you ate. I don't know what it is but I do know you need to talk to someone about it. I assumed you would want that someone to be Maura. You've always let Maura in closer than anyone else so unless your issue is with her specifically then I highly recommend you talk to her about it."

Jane broke off eye contact with Frost. He was right. He was right about it all. And her issue wasn't with him. Or Korsak. Or Maura. Especially not Maura. Her issue was with herself. She did push people away. It was habit. Instinct. She'd done it for years. Usually without really even thinking about it. It was like breathing. She just did it. Maura was right. Frost was right. She clearly wasn't. She was going to have to try and fix that. Somehow. She reconnected eye contact with Frost, her features softening, "I'm sorry. I'm an ass."

"Yes, you are. But you're still my partner." He smiled and got into the car. "Now, we have work to do." She climbed into the driver's seat and started the car. "Oh and Jane? I'm here for you too if you ever need anything." Jane just smiled and nodded.

They made their way out to South Boston to attempt to notify the family of Jason Pollard. Jane was hoping that the family would give them an idea about what Pollard was doing in the days before his death and maybe even an ID for Victim #1. They pulled up to the address listed on Pollard's vehicle registration and driver's license. It was an apartment.

Jane knocked on the door and waited for a response. Listening closely they both heard movement from inside the apartment so they knew someone was home. Jane knocked again and finally heard a "Just a minute" comment. The door opened and Jane flashed her badge. The door was opened further by a female in her mid-30s. She was short, around 5'6" with long blonde hair. "I'm sorry to bother you I'm Detective Rizzoli and this is Detective Frost. Does a Jason Pollard live at this address?" That was Jane's standard question for possible family members of a deceased person when Jane didn't know the potential relationship. She found it got her further than starting out with announcing she was a homicide detective.

"Jay? Yeah he lives here sometimes. When he bothers to come home that is. Why? What did he do?"

"Can you tell me when the last time you saw Jason?" asked Frost.

"He hates being called Jason just so you know. Jay hasn't been here in over a month. He's been shacking up with some slut over in Charlestown."

"I'm sorry but how do you know Jason? Or Jay?" asked Jane.

"He's my husband. Eventual ex-husband if he keeps it up. I'm Sarah Pollard if you are taking notes or anything." Frost duly noted her name.

"Mrs. Pollard may we come in please?" asked Jane.

Mrs. Pollard stepped aside and both Jane and Frost entered the apartment. It was modest and clean. Likely a two bedroom based on a quick count of doors. "Mrs. Pollard," Jane started but was interrupted.

"Please, it's just Sarah. I don't like thinking of myself as anyone's 'Mrs.'"

Jane nodded. "Can you tell us when the last time you spoke with Jay would have been?"

Sarah started to think. "Today is Thursday. Last I heard from him was a text message from him on Saturday. I think it was Saturday. Hold on," she walked into the kitchen and came back with her phone. She scrolled through a few screens and found the message and handed her phone over to Frost.

_Almost done with it. U can have it back. How does Friday work?_

Frost noted the phone number the text message was sent to as well as it was sent to her on Saturday afternoon at 4:19 pm. "Can I ask what the 'it' is?"

"My laptop. He borrowed it and I needed it back by next week. I start back up with school again and need it for research."

"Did you answer him back?" She retook the phone and scrolled to find her sent messages. She handed it back to Frost.

_Fri- ok. Sat better. Just call_

Sent Saturday night at 6:17 pm. Frost made another note.

"So, what's this all about? "

Jane looked at Frost and nodded. "I'm terribly sorry Sarah but Jason Pollard was found shot to death in a house in Charlestown earlier this morning."

"Oh my God…NO!" and Sarah Pollard broke down crying. This was the part of the job neither Jane nor Frost ever got used to. It was never routine or easy to tell someone that a loved one had died.

It took a few minutes for Sarah to recover enough to continue answering the detectives' questions. She explained that they were very much on again off again and had been for years. Never really separating but never really living together. She said he was currently spending his nights somewhere, according to him, in Charlestown with some waitress from some bar somewhere in the city. But she never pressed for too many details.

"He always came back to me. He'd tire of whoever the flavor of the month was and always come back. We'd go hot and heavy for about two months and he would wander again. I was guilty of it too. We were just that couple. It was why we never bothered to try for a divorce. This, oddly enough, sort of worked for both of us."

"Where was Jay working?"

"Currently unemployed. Did random bartending from time to time but that was always last minute. He was more of a fill in and for cash under the table. Played in a band. He was a decent bass guitar player but he can't, or couldn't, sing a note."

"Is there anyone you can think of that would want him dead?"

She thought for a minute. "No. He never really annoyed anyone. Not even me. Both of us just like variety I guess. I can't even say he ever had any ex-boyfriend of his current fun toy to deal with. He was just a nice guy that monogamy wasn't meant to be his lifestyle."

Frost showed her a picture of Victim #1. "Do you have any idea who this person might be?" She cringed at the sight of the photo and Frost apologized for the detail of it but it was all that they had to go on. She looked at the photo again and something sparked in her.

"Yeah, I have seen him before. But I don't know his name. Jay knew him though. I've seen them together before." She was quiet again and Jane could tell she was trying to recall his name. "It's something like Johnson but not exactly that. That's all I can remember right now."

Jane thanked her for her time and gave her business card to Sarah. She also gave her details on how and when she could go to the morgue to handle arrangements. Sarah promised to call if she remembered the name of the man from the picture and Jane and Frost left.

"We can run the band and the bars he's worked in to try and see if we can fill in some gaps. But cash under the table gigs are hard to follow-up on," noted Jane.

"I wrote down the cell phone number he was using to text Sarah. We can dump the records and see where that will take us too. I should be able to get the warrant and records by tomorrow. "

"We had his Camry towed back to the station for processing. Maybe we will find prints or something from the car too. Maybe we will get lucky and ID Victim #1 tomorrow."

They both knew they didn't have much to go on for the case. Everything they needed to review wouldn't be ready until the next day so they decided to head back to the station. Jane knew her night was nowhere near coming to an end. She still had Maura waiting for her to come home.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Maura was dumbfounded by what Angela had just said. She knew enough to know that Angela sincerely believed that she hadn't seen Jane happy. And maybe that was what surprised her the most. Angela had so much more of Jane's past, her history than Maura. Maura had the last five years and some of that time their friendship was still in a developmental stage. How sad for Angela that she has worried for a lifetime about Jane's happiness.

Angela, assessing Maura's look, mistook it for defensiveness. "Oh, Maura. I'm not implying that she isn't happy with you. Quite the opposite actually. I think the happiest I have ever seen Jane has been these last six months. And you are responsible for that. You have been so good for her. Even before you two became a couple, I have seen changes within Jane I thought I'd never see.

"Like I said, you have a piece of her I never thought she would let anyone have. I have seen her confide in you. Trust you. Love you. Things she hasn't ever done with anyone outside her family and even with us there were always limits. You have made her more complete. And she is happier."

"But you still wouldn't say she is happy."

Angela sighed. "How do I explain this so you understand what I mean? Maura, you know Jane. Better than anyone on this planet. But you said it yourself. There are places within her she doesn't let anyone near. There's something, and for the life of me I have never been able to figure out what, but there is something that has always kept her from letting anyone in completely. There is this part of her that she refuses to share with anyone and it's the part that keeps her isolated from the people who love her.

"I have tried over the years to figure it out. I have asked her and pried more than a mother should really be allowed but to no avail. No matter what I've tried she has never allowed me to understand her absolute need to be closed off.

"That's what I mean when I say I can't call her happy. Because that part of her gets in the way of letting herself be completely happy. She's been content. Most of her life she has been content. But that's not happiness or at least not happiness as far as I am concerned."

Maura took Angela's hands in hers. "She's never given you any indication of what it is? Or what might have happened?"

Angela shook her head. "Never. And I have asked. About everything I could possibly think of. And I mean everything. I've never found an answer. Sometimes I think she doesn't even really know what it is either."

Maura thought about that but disagreed. _I think Jane knows exactly what it is. The question is whether she will ever tell me. _She didn't know that answer but she was going to try to find out.

Jane let Frost drive back to the station after the notification with Pollard's wife. The case still had her baffled and frustrated that they didn't have more to go on. They still didn't have an ID on Victim #1. They couldn't tie either victim to the house they were found in and without the ID of the first victim they hadn't even been able to tie the two victims to each other. Pollard's wife had some details and some information to track down but Jane's gut told her not to expect too much to pan out on any of that information.

She knew that more reports and results were due back tomorrow but she hated feeling like a case was slipping away from her less than 24 hours into it. It had happened to her before but it was rare. It wasn't a feeling that she liked. Jane prided herself with her closure rate. She felt it was her responsibility to bring closure and justice to the families of the victims of the homicides she worked. When she couldn't find that resolution it would grate on her for some time. She had a bad feeling about this case and hadn't seen anything today that made her believe they were close to understanding what had happened.

They drove in silence. Frost always seemed to know when not to push at Jane for dialogue and now was one of those times. He wasn't quite sure if her attention was pulled towards a double homicide that made no sense or on her own personal issues. He suspected it was a combination of both. He always felt Jane had difficulties separating herself from her work. It was part of why she was so good at what she did but also, he feared part of why she was the way she was.

Jane stared out the window and as the streets passed by she thought about the conversation she had yet to have with Maura. She had received a reprieve but that would disappear the minute she walked into Maura's house. Maura knew she had a nightmare. She shouldn't be surprised. The good Doctor never missed anything. It seemed tragically ironic that Jane wished the nightmare had been about Hoyt. She could talk to Maura about that. That she could share. But this, this she wasn't so sure.

Jane was only ever haunted by two things in her life. Hoyt and what greeted her in her sleep this morning. One was an outside evil that tormented and tortured her and the ones she loved. The other was a personal demon that only tormented Jane. She had never discussed it. Never shared it. She couldn't. Never in all the years could she look anyone she cared about in the eye and explain it. Have someone else know. And there had been many people through the years that had tried get at it. Her family, especially her mother and Frankie. A few friends through the years. Korsak. And now, of course, Maura.

Maura. Jane closed her eyes and focused on the beauty of what came to her when she thought about Maura. She loved her. It was absolute. She didn't question it. She trusted in it. She had come to rely on it. And now she feared losing it. Maura had more of her than anyone had ever been allowed before. She had, in fact, all of Jane except this. And Jane knew she wanted this too. Jane had never denied Maura anything but she was absolutely unsure if the one thing Maura now wanted was something she could give. Jane was strong about a lot of things in life. But she doubted she was strong enough to survive losing Maura. But if she didn't tell Maura everything she was now also worried that she would lose her anyway. _What if the one thing she wanted was the one thing that could destroy what we have? _

"Hey Frost, can I ask you something?" she needed a distraction to get out of her own head.

"Sure, as long as it isn't if you can borrow any money. I'm tapped until payday," he answered with a smirk.

It made her smile. "It's not that so you're good."

"Oh right, I forgot. Doc is your sugar-mama," and he was laughing immediately. She punched him in the arm. "Owww!"

"Always with the wisecracks. Seriously, though. It's kind of personal," and her tone got serious.

Frost straightened up, "Go ahead. Ask."

"What made you want to be a cop?"

That was the last question he had expected to hear. "Mostly my father if you can believe that."

Jane looked at him with a bit of surprise. Frost's father was an Admiral in the Navy and they did not have a good relationship. She had always been under the impression Frost wanted to prove to himself that he was nothing like his father. She was curious now.

"Growing up there were many things about how he was and what our relationship was that I never liked, never respected. But the one thing I got from him when I was a kid was his commitment to serve his country. My father was and is many things, some good, some not so good. But he is a dedicated public servant. And that, well that I always admired him for and I respected that.

"I think I knew early on that I wanted to continue that. The public service. But I also knew that there was no way I was going to follow in his footsteps and join any branch of the military. I know that sounds bad. I have nothing but respect for those that volunteer and make the sacrifices that the military requires but I just couldn't do it. That was too close to him. I didn't see that path for me. And it didn't matter what branch, the military was his and I didn't want it. So that left law enforcement. A path I am glad I chose." He was silent for a minute and then, "Oh and chicks dig the handcuffs."

She burst out laughing, "Just couldn't resist, could you?"

"Nope. Not when it was there for the taking. I wouldn't have respected myself in the morning," he grinned. "Can I ask what made you want this glamorous career path?"

"You mean besides the handcuffs?" she smiled.

"Nice one."

"Thanks."

"Well?"

"I don't know. I just always wanted to protect those that couldn't protect themselves." And that was all she would offer up on the topic.

They got back to the station a few minutes later. Both went inside and found Korsak. He was finishing the last of his meetings for the week. Jane was happy at the notion of getting him back tomorrow to help with the case. Maybe between the three of them they could make some better progress in the morning.

They got him in the loop on what the wife had added and Frost placed requests for the cell phone dump on the number he got from Sarah Pollard's phone. He queued several queries to run for bars Pollard may have worked at cross referencing it with a list of known gigs Pollard's band had played out. They had done all they could on the case for the day. Korsak suggested a retreat to the Robber. Frost agreed but Jane declined. She knew Maura was home and waiting for her.

"Sorry guys. I have to get home." Frost wished her luck and she nodded as she left.

"What was that about?" asked Korsak.

"Maura is gunning for her."

"Maybe she can finally get through to her," Korsak commented while shaking his head. He had long since given up his attempts at breaking through the fortress of Jane Rizzoli.

"If anyone can, it will be Maura. But I wouldn't count on it."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N Delayed plane and extra airport time equals bonus chapter for you all today**

Chapter 11

Jane took a deep breath before entering the house. She wasn't quite sure what to expect by way of Maura's mood. She was hoping that the time she bought because of work would lessen Maura's overall level of annoyance with her. But, there was an equal chance that time had only allowed Maura to stew over her general frustrations and Jane could be walking into the mouth of the Lion's den. Either way she was about to find out.

She opened the door and made her way inside. She was immediately greeted by her dog Jo Friday. _At least you're happy to see me_ Jane thought has she picked up Jo and carried her into the house. "Let's go see what Maura is up to," she said as she scratched Jo's head.

"Maura?" she called out announcing her was home.

"I'm in the kitchen," was the answer. Jane could not yet tell her mood from her tone.

Jane made her way to the kitchen to find Maura was working on what looked like dinner. Soup of some kind. There was a big pot on the stove and cut up vegetables all about the counter. This reassured Jane somewhat. She couldn't be too mad at her if she was working on making food. "Hi." She figured she would test the water.

"Hi yourself. Did you get anything helpful during the notification?" She looked genuinely interested. Another good sign.

"Not really. A cell phone number and a few leads that I wouldn't call promising. No real help on Victim #1," Jane sighed as the case was frustrating her.

"Sorry. I'll have the majority of the lab work reports tomorrow. Maybe there will be something there that will break this open." Again, very sincere. Jane knew Maura understood that she hated when she couldn't figure out a case. Maura knew it wore on her.

"Maybe. I hope so. I know if there is something for your lab to find they will. Or you will."

Maura nodded her head. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about food so I went pretty light. Are you hungry at all?"

"I could eat. I haven't really had anything all day except the Gatorade you got me."

"You need to try and eat something, Jane. Any nausea?"

"Not at the moment."

"That's a good sign. I figured you should be able to handle some soup. This should be ready in about twenty minutes." She was absentminded stirring the soup as she spoke.

"Maura…"

"What?"

"Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop being so polite. It freaks me out." Part of Jane wanted to look away but she did her best to maintain eye contact with Maura. She needed to get a sense of where Maura was in all of this.

Maura back looked at Jane. "Jane…" her tone a mixture of hurt, frustration and concern.

"I'm serious Maura. I know you are mad at me."

"I'm a lot of things at you right now." Of that Jane had no doubt.

"Is mad one of them?"

"Yes. But it isn't at the top of the list," Maura continued to keep her eyes on Jane as they spoke.

"What is at the top of the list?" Jane wanted to hear love or anything that resembled a positive emotion. She could work with that. She didn't want to hear anger, frustration or disappointment. All of which she was pretty convinced were somewhere on Maura's list.

"Right now. I'd have to call it a tie."

"Between?"

"Worry and frustration."

Jane dropped her glaze. If she had been one to wager on such things she would have wagered on frustration. It appeared as if she wouldn't have lost that bet. But the reality of her losing something bigger was starting to sink in. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Or worry you. In fact that was what I was trying to avoid."

"Not very successfully," she stated. Jane flinched. "Will you talk to me?"

Jane exhaled deeply. She didn't know the answer to that. "I'll try."

Maura was startled by that answer. She figured Jane would try to evade or divert. But so far she wasn't. She had expected a fight but so far there wasn't one. Maybe there was some hope. "Jane, what happened this morning?"

Jane was quiet for a moment. She looked at Maura and felt herself hitting the same wall she hit so many times in her life before that she had stopped counting. She sat down more to fill in some time than from a need to actually sit.

Maura watched Jane. Maura had seen Jane vulnerable before. Those times had involved Hoyt. Those times Jane was hurt and scared but still radiated an inner strength that Maura was always in awe of. But how Jane looked now, it broke Maura's heart. She was battling some demon. Something she hadn't shared with Maura before and it seemed to strip her of all her self confidence. This side of Jane scared Maura. "What was the nightmare about Jane?" she asked as gently as she could.

Jane leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. She steadied her head into her hands and closed her eyes. She was shaking. She felt it and she was fairly certain that Maura could see it. She tried to hide it anyway. She didn't want Maura to see how weak she was. Then she realized that Maura had asked her two questions, or rather one question two different ways and she hadn't said anything. But what could she say? There were no words that would form for her.

"Jane?"

Jane heard the concern in Maura's voice. She knew Maura saw the shaking. She felt Maura sit down next to her on the couch. Maura's closeness helped slow down her breathing. A little but not back to normal. She then felt Maura's hands attempt to intertwine with hers. Her touch helped a little too. Maura could always reach Jane. But was it enough?

"Jane please. Talk to me."

Finally words came. Shaky but audible. "What if I can't?"

"I think you can. I think you need to. I'm right here Jane. There's nothing you could say to me that would change how I feel about you."

Jane tried to look at her, tried to make the connection but she couldn't. How she wished what Maura has said could be true. But how could it? And then she knew. She wasn't going to be able to say it. To tell her. Not right then. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

Maura detected the slump in Jane's shoulders. It was as if she had just admitted defeat to some internal argument she had been waging. She didn't like what she thought was coming next.

"Maura, I can't do this," she said and she stood up. Maura attempted to squeeze her hands hoping any form of physical contact would prevent Jane was leaving. But it didn't. Jane moved to the door. Turning, she looked back at Maura and whispered, "I'm sorry." And she walked out the door.

Maura thought about chasing after her but knew it would do no good. She sat back down on the couch. She wiped away the few tears that streamed down her cheeks. She was angry. Angry that Jane had walked away. She was hurt. Hurt that Jane wouldn't open herself up to her. But mostly she was worried. Whatever haunted Jane was stronger than Maura realized. She needed to figure it out otherwise she knew she may lose Jane completely.

She picked up her phone, scrolled through her contacts and found the name she was looking for. She hit send and listened as the phone rang. On the third ring there was an answer. "It's me. I need to see you. It's about Jane." She listened for a minute. "First thing in the morning would be fine. Come over here, please." She needed answers. She ended her call. Not more than a minute later her phone vibrated a message.

_I'm sorry. Don't hate me._

It was from Jane.

_I could never. I love you. Come home._

She waited for an answer, hoping.

_I love you too. More than anything. I need time. Please_

She sighed. Jane wasn't coming home tonight.

_I'm here for you. Whatever fight you are fighting… Chose me. Chose us._

She didn't get another response.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was the first night either had spent apart in six months. Neither slept a wink. Jane never tried. Maura gave up around 3 am. Both seemed lost without the other. Neither fully understanding what this would all lead to. Where things would go from last night. Neither really knew how, and if, they could move forward.

As morning approached, Jane did what she always did. She went into work. She could no longer stay in her apartment alone. She kept feeling the walls close in on her. She needed to get out the apartment and she figured she could throw herself into her work. She was at her desk by 5 am. Maybe she couldn't figure out her own life but she was determined to figure out what ended the lives of her two victims.

Maura waited. She had made plans for him to come over early. And at 6 am there was a knock on her door. She opened it and smiled at her visitor. "Thanks for coming over."

"I'm just sorry it wasn't last night. I was stuck working a sting operation," offered Frankie as he entered the house. "You look like hell by the way."

"Thanks."

"I can only assume Jane looks the same. Probably worse?"

Maura just shrugged. "She didn't stay here last night. So I wouldn't know."

Frankie grew more concerned. "Ok Doc. Start talking. What is going on between you and my sister? You guys have some sort of fight?"

"I wish. But that would have involved an actual conversation," she said flatly.

"Oh, let me guess. You hit 'The Wall' with her?"

"The what?"

"'The Wall' is what I named it a long time ago. You tried to get her to talk about whatever it is she never talks about. That couldn't have been a pretty conversation," he said with sympathy in his voice.

"Try no conversation at all. It was like she couldn't even form any words. I've never seen her like that. Not even after Hoyt."

Frankie nodded. "It's not a sight many people get to see. What led up to all of this?"

"She had some sort of nightmare yesterday morning. She won't tell me about it."

"So that's why she looked awful yesterday. I should have recognized that look. I missed it. I only spoke to her briefly yesterday and I never even asked her if she was feeling ok."

"Would it have mattered if you had? She gives the same answer to everyone."

"Something she ate?" he asked knowing that would have been the line she most likely used.

Maura nodded. "Frankie, do you have any idea what is going on with her? I mean what it really is? I can't help thinking that if there is someone who knows that someone would be you."

Frankie looked at Maura. She looked so lost. Tired and worried. The sight of her broke his heart. He cared for Maura. He considered her a sister. Had even before she started dating Jane. After that, he was sure she would become his sister-in-law. He was so happy when they announced they were together. Frankie thought Jane had finally found someone that would make her complete. Happy. He had seen Maura's effect on his sister. Jane had been more open with Maura than he had ever seen her and he had thought that there was finally someone who could expel the demons from his sister's psyche. "Maura, I know you only want to help her. But I'm pretty sure I'm not the one that needs to tell you anything. I think it has to come from Jane."

"So you do know," she asked with sudden hope to her voice.

"I have an idea. One she has never confirmed. But I think I know." He knew Maura would keep asking. But what he didn't know was if he should tell her anything. Over the years he had tried to get Jane to confide in him. Each effort met with complete failure. He had pieced together enough and had one time summoned up the courage to ask Jane a specific question and got as close to a confirmation that he felt he might ever get. But sitting here, looking into the eyes of the woman he knew his sister was in love with, he didn't know what he should do.

"What could be so bad that she would shut you, or your mother or anyone else out of her life? Frankie please! You have to help me here," she didn't even trying to hide the desperation she felt. "I'm losing her."

"Maura, our whole lives Janie and I have had exactly one fight. One. And that's pretty rare considering the temperament of the Rizzoli clan. You've seen our family interactions. Our one fight was over this very topic. I tried to get her to tell me something she wasn't ready to talk about which wasn't new because I tried to get her to tell me for years. But one time I pushed it too far. It almost cost me my relationship with her. She didn't speak to me for three months."

"I don't want this to cost me my relationship with her either. Can't you understand that? I don't want to hurt her. I would never do anything that I thought would hurt her. You have to know that I love her. I can't imagine my life without her. But I can't reach her because of something I don't understand.

"Whatever it is that's what is hurting her Frankie. Not you or me or your mother asking about it. We just love her. I can't stand to see her in pain. She's had too much of that for one lifetime. I want to protect her too but I think I need to protect her from herself. Someone has to get through to her. If not you then it needs to be me. But I can't go into another conversation with her without knowing at least something. Frankie, did something happen to her?"

Deep down he knew she was right. If he didn't give Maura something Jane would most likely continue to push her away until she just couldn't take it anymore. Frankie had watched Jane do that her whole life. That wasn't the future he wanted for his sister. He wanted the future that had her together with Maura and at peace. Happy. This was his chance to help make that future a possibility. There was no one in the world he loved more than he loved Jane. She had always been there for him. Always. She was his hero. So he decided. It was his turn to be there for her whether it was what she wanted or not. His sister's happiness was worth having her hate him.

"No. Nothing happened specifically to her. It's not abuse or anything like that if that is what you are worried about. That is what Ma always thought it might be. But something did happen. She was a part of something." He paused. "I can't and I won't fill in any blanks. She's my sister Maura. This has to come from her. But I will tell you how to start her talking if she ever will talk. Ask her about Benjamin."

"Benjamin?"

Frankie nodded. Part of him felt like he had just betrayed his sister. But he was convinced it was the right thing to do. "That's really all I can say. Anything else you will have to get Jane to tell you."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_I'm here for you. Whatever fight you are fighting… Chose me. Chose us._

Sitting at her desk alone in the bullpen Jane simply stared at Maura's last message. Was it a choice? Choice implied that Jane had power over the past. Control. This was the only place in her life she felt she had absolutely no control.

"Jane?" she looked up to see Frost standing in the doorway. "What time did you get here?" he looked at his watch.

"I'm not sure really. A while ago," her tone was flat.

Frost knew immediately that last night's conversation with Maura had not gone well. "Should I ask if you are ok or just assume that answer is no?"

"Rough night."

"Any chance you'll tell me about it?"

"No." She hoped he didn't take that personally. He knew that she didn't share much so her answer didn't surprise him.

"Fair enough. The offer will always be there. But for now, I'll drop it."

"Thanks." She probably didn't deserve to be treated so well by him.

"So, let's talk murder and our mystery John Doe. What has your early endeavors uncovered?" He walked the rest of the way into the bullpen and took a seat at his desk.

"No ID yet. He doesn't appear to be in AFIS at all. I'm going to assume he isn't in CODIS either or we would have seen a hit by now. However, we may have a lead. One of the queries you set to run last night may have found a connection between Pollard and the owner of the house from three years ago."

"Really? Fill me in."

"The house was owned by a Michael Craig. While we don't have much to go on for Pollard and our John Doe, Craig more than makes up for it with his rap sheet. Pick a crime, any crime and Mr. Craig here could tell you some stories."

They moved into the brick so Frost could display results and records on the big screens. Frost started to pull up the information they had on Michael Craig. Jane hadn't been kidding. Assault and battery. Fraud. Drug issues both using and distributing. Grand Theft Auto. Weapons charges. Suspect in an unsolved homicide. The list was long. "Wow."

"Yeah. He's a pretty serious contender for Suspect #1 right now."

"What's his tie to Pollard?" this came from Korsak who was just walking into the brick. He saw immediately how Jane looked. His eyes flashed to Frost who discreetly shook his head and Korsak opted not say anything.

"It looks as if he and Pollard grow up together. They played on the same baseball team all through their childhood." Frost pulled up several baseball team photos from newspaper clippings that listed both Jason Pollard and Michael Craig as being members.

"So they knew each other. And with Pollard being found inside the house Craig used to own. I'd say that was more than a coincidence. But what about Victim #1, our John Doe?" Korsak asked.

"Still nothing. Nothing from AFIS and I'm waiting for lab reports but I doubt we will get a CODIS hit. Maura estimated he is 3-4 years older than Pollard and Craig. The link may be harder to find. What I want to know is how does someone with Craig's past manage a house like that at 26? And why did it get sold?" Jane stared at the screens and wondered.

Frost typed on his laptop. "The house went into foreclosure almost three years ago. Marshall bought after it sat empty for over a year. They got a good price for it, too." He displayed the banking records on the house up on a screen. There wasn't anything to really discern how Craig had the money to purchase the house in the first place. "Jane, he bought that house when he was only 24 and paid for half of it in cash."

"How does a 24 year old with multiple convictions have $100,000 for a down payment on a house?"

All three detectives looked at each other and all three said in unison, "Drugs."

"I'm looking at Pollard's phone records now. He made seven calls to a cell phone I can link back to Craig in the last month. Last call was Sunday night at 11:12 pm for 22 minutes. No text messages to that number. I'll get a dump of Craig's cell phone and see if there are any numbers both Pollard and Craig had in common."

"Maura estimated time of death to be either late Sunday or early Monday morning. That call may have been the last call Pollard made," noted Jane.

Finally, they were getting somewhere. "Do we know where Craig is right now?" asked Korsak.

Frost hit a few more keys on his computer. "He was released from prison a month ago. We have an address that is on file with his PO."

"Any chance he's fitted for an ankle?" asked Korsak. Maybe they would get lucky and Craig's movements were being electronically monitored by his parole officer.

"No. But the PO is Messier so at least you know he has done a follow-up visit since his release." Parole officers had tough jobs. Too many case files and too many times parolees went right back into the life that had gotten them in trouble in the first place. Jeremy Messier was the best PO Boston had to offer. He always managed to keep tabs on the recently released and had been a good source of information when the detectives needed him to be.

"Jane, why don't you and Frost go see Messier and see what he can tell you about Craig. Maybe we'll get lucky. I'll wait for the rest of the lab results." Korsak stated. "I'll also finish looking through Pollard's cell records. Maybe there is something else there too."

Frost drove and they headed out to Messier's office. Jane was quiet. Again, Frost couldn't tell if she was trying to work through the case or thinking about Maura. Again, he bet it was both. But she had that look on her face like she was in full detective mode. They had a break in the case for the first time and she seemed ready to throw herself into the case. Maybe the distraction was just what she needed.

She spoke after a few minutes. "So Craig and Pollard are childhood acquaintances. Maybe friends. Craig has a long history that includes fraud, drugs and violence. And less than a month after Craig gets out of prison Pollard and our John Doe are found dead in the house Craig used to own. I'm starting to have the feeling that the ID of John Doe should fill in the gaps we are missing."

"Looks like Craig could be behind all of this. Hopefully we get something from Messier."

They reached Messier's office and knocked. They wanted for the "Enter" greeting they usually got from Jeremy and didn't have to wait long. They walked in and said hello.

"Well if it isn't my favorite two Homicide detectives," he greeted them with a smile. "Which one of my files isn't playing well with others?"

"Michael Craig."

Messier paused for a second. "Shocker. What did he do?"

"Jeremy, you have like 800 case files. How do you remember Craig just by name?" asked Jane.

"Because I remember all the ones I'm sure will cause problems. And that's Craig," he rummaged through a pile on his desk. "See, I didn't even bother to file his file. I guessed six weeks. Looks like I gave him too much credit."

"Tell us about him," Frost requested.

"They should have never released him early." He handed over his file to Frost. "He is violent, has a temper and holds a grudge. He is also cunning and resourceful. His last stay in prison was for fraud and identity theft which is how he got an early release. If it had been a violent crime he wouldn't have been released."

"When did you see him last?"

"It was his first appointment with me. He was late but he passed his drug test." He flipped through his notes. "He is living at the address provided. That is his mother's address. He got a job at a bar, Lucid. Says he is kitchen help but I got the distinct impression he is bouncing instead. He likes to fight."

Frost looked at Jane. Maybe he got the job through Pollard. Lucid was on the list of bars Pollard worked and played at. "Do you know how he got the job?"

Messier looked through his notes. "He mentioned a friend. Someone he knew from his neighborhood."

"Jason Pollard?"

Messier nodded. "Sounds familiar."

Frost pulled out a picture of Victim #1 and handed it over to Messier. "Any chance you know who this guy is?" He knew it was a long shot but they tried.

"No. Sorry. This one I don't know."

"Ok, thanks Jeremy. Do us a favor?"

"Name it."

"Violate him the first chance you get. For anything. We don't have a lot to go on yet so if you can violate him and get him off the street that will help us."

"Anything for you, Rizzoli. He has a strict curfew that I know he doesn't meet. I think I can manage to find him out playing when he should be tucked in bed at home. And I know he hangs out with two ex-cons that are not on the playable list. I'll see if I can violate him tonight and that will keep him in over the weekend."

"Jeremy, you do that for me and I owe you. Big."

"Careful Rizzoli. I will collect," he smiled.

They turned to leave and something occurred to Jane. "One last thing. The two ex-cons? Who are they?"

"Two brothers. Nick and Joey Hansen."

Jane recognized the names. "Really? He keeps interesting company. They definitely aren't on the playables list. Thanks Jeremy."

As they walked to the car Frost had to ask. "The Hansen brothers?"

"Yeah. Big time fences. They push anything they can get their hands on to make a buck. Rumor has it they dabble in drugs too."

"Let's head back and see what Korsak has dug up."

For his part, Korsak had sifted through the last of the reports. He believed he had ID'd their John Doe. He got the records from Michael Craig's cell phone and compared those to Pollard's. He found one number that both phones had called within the last month. Trace of that number led him to an Alex Johnston. Korsak was just pulling up Johnston's DMV photo when Jane and Frost returned to the brick. "I think I got John Doe," he greeted them.

"Really? Who is it?" asked Frost.

"Alex Johnston," he said motioning for Frost to pull up some records. Within a second they all were looking at the DMV photo for Johnston. It was in fact Victim #1. "Sarah Pollard did guess it was something like Johnson but not. She was pretty close on that one," offered up Jane.

Alex Johnston was a 32 year old accountant with no criminal record to speak of. But Frost found a second link to Pollard and Craig. Besides the cell phone calls, Johnston had a younger brother, Anthony, that also played ball with Pollard and Craig.

"So we definitely have a connection. Let's try and track down Johnston's family for notification. Messier was confident he could find a reason to violate Craig tonight. We can question him once he is in custody. Are the rest of the lab results back yet?" Jane asked.

"Maura hasn't brought anything up yet," offered Korsak. Sizing up Jane's reaction he decided to intervene. "Frost, you and Jane go handle the notification of Johnston's family and I'll go see about the lab reports." He decided not to force Jane and Maura together for the moment.

Jane and Frost left the station and Korsak rode the elevator down to the morgue. He wondered what condition he would find Maura in when he got there. From the look Jane had he knew that whatever their conversation had been about last night it had not gone well. He arrived at Maura's office but the lights were off.

"Can I help you Detective?" asked senior criminalist Chang.

"I was looking for Dr. Isles."

"She is working from home today. I have the lab results ready from your case. Dr. Isles told me to tell you that the results are pretty straight forward and should be helpful. If you have any questions you can ask me or Dr. Isles said she was available by phone if you preferred."

_Not good _thought Korsak. It was bad enough that Maura did not even come in today. This both worried and angered him. He was worried for both ladies. But he was angry with Jane. He had long since given up the fight of trying to get Jane to open up about her past but he couldn't believe she would let something possibly get in the way of her relationship with Maura.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Jab. Jab. Cross._

Sweat ran down Jane's face as she worked over the heavy bag in front of her.

_Jab. Jab. Hook._

She hit the bag again and again.

_Uppercut. Jab. Cross._

All her strength into every punch. Her arms ached. Her hands stung.

_Jab. Jab. Jab._

Her breathing was rapid but controlled. From a cardiovascular standpoint she could go another thirty minutes. But she wasn't sure her arms and hands would last that long.

_Uppercut. Uppercut. Cross. Cross._

She kept punching. Kept hitting. Trying to work herself out of her own head. But she felt trapped there. Too much was happening all at the same time.

_Hook. Hook. Hook. Hook._

She was approaching her level of exhaustion. She knew it. So she went for it.

_Jab. Jab. Cross. Cross. Uppercut. Uppercut. Hook. Hook._

And then she was done. Not mentally done. But physically done. Her arms would no longer work for her. Her hands would not unclench from the fists they had been maintaining for the last forty-five minutes. She stood panting and staring down the slowly swaying heavy bag in front of her.

"Son of a Bitch!" It wasn't a yell. It was more of a statement.

"Jane?" the voice was quiet but stern. Warm even.

She didn't turn around.

"Jane?" A little louder this time.

She still didn't turn around.

"Jane. It was a clean shoot. You didn't have a choice."

This got her to turn around. Her eyes went straight to the voice. "I know it was a clean shoot. Doesn't make it easier." And then she dropped her gaze.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I should have…."

"Should have what? There wasn't anything you could have done differently. Hell, there wasn't anything I could have done differently. And I was there. So if I couldn't have stopped it you certainly couldn't have."

Korsak nodded his head. He knew she was right. There wasn't anything he could have done even if he had been there. It was a routine notification. Frost and Jane had simply knocked on the door for the home of Alex Johnston with the intention of letting the family know that Johnston had been found murdered and possibly gather some information on the movements of Johnston in the days before he was killed.

Neither Jane nor Frost anticipated any confrontation. As cops, both were trained to be on their toes and aware of their surroundings. To look for the clues that a situation was going south and to anticipate and react to potential danger. Neither expected the victim's brother Anthony to be at the house. But he was. Neither expected Anthony to flee. But he did. Neither expected him to pull a gun making Jane have to discharge hers first before he could fire at Frost. But she had. And Anthony Johnston was now dead.

Internal Affairs worked quickly to clear Jane in the shooting. Cavanaugh worked even quicker. Officer involved shootings can destroy a career if not handled correctly and Cavanaugh had lined up every witness and statement in record time. Even Johnston's family knew it was Anthony's fault. Their statements all backed up the statements taken from Frost and Jane. Anthony panicked as soon as Jane announced they were detectives. He bolted past them and took off running. Frost and Jane pursued. A cop's instinct. Runners run for a reason. Guilt is usually that reason.

Frost had a beat on Anthony. Jane wasn't far behind. Neither saw how he managed to grab the garbage can and throw it perfectly into Frost that it caused Frost to topple over. Neither saw how he stopped on a dime and had the .22 out and taking aim before Frost's tumbling body slowed down. Jane's draw of her gun was faster than Anthony's. Not by much. But by enough. That allowed her one cry of "Drop it!" for Anthony to completely ignore. And Jane was faster squeezing the trigger than Anthony. He never got off a round.

IAD cleared Jane that night. A rarity. But the evidence was overwhelmingly in Jane's favor. The only demand Cavanaugh made of Jane was that she take the weekend off. He wasn't even going to push the mandatory psych visit. She would have to as a formality but he was vague about her absolute deadline for that fulfillment. She protested about the weekend. The case was still open. The picture was getting clearer but there were loose ends to tie up.

But she lost the argument. Cavanaugh insisted that Korsak could handle most of the loose ends over the weekend. Frost was ordered to be off for the weekend too. They received confirmation from Messier that he was able to bring in Craig on parole violations for associating with known felons and also an added bonus of possession of a controlled substance. He was safely locked up until at least Monday and no one anticipated an issue with revocation of parole. That would buy the team plenty of time to tie both Johnston and Craig to the murders of Pollard and Johnston. The physical evidence was mounting. All they were really missing was motive. And Cavanaugh decided the State's Attorney could have their investigators worry about that. He was satisfied with the closure of this case from BPD's perspective.

Jane and Frost, once statements were finished and the dust settled, retreated to The Dirty Robber. Jane got Frost drunk. It was normal after something like this. Jane drank in moderation. Too much was still going on for her to let loose in alcohol. But she made sure Frost was sufficiently hammered. They didn't talk about it. That's not what cops do. She didn't expect a thank you. She didn't want one. She knew if the roles had been reversed he would have done the same thing. They had each other's backs. And they both knew it. That was all that mattered. She put Frost in a cab and tipped the cabbie extra to make sure Frost got all the way into his apartment. She went back to the station. She couldn't face her empty apartment. And she still couldn't face Maura.

So that is how Korsak found Jane pummeling the heavy bag in the BPD gym at 2 am. The overnight desk sergeant called him to let him know she had returned. He had hoped she would have gone home to Maura. But she hadn't. And for that, he had had enough.

"Jane, why aren't you home with Maura?"

She didn't say anything. She stood still with her arms hanging like dead weight against her body. Fists still clenched. The only change within her was her breathing was starting to even out.

Somehow Korsak knew she was having issues with her hands. Slowly he approached her and gently took her right hand into his. He didn't make eye contact with her instead concentrating on slowly unlacing the strings of the glove that was on her hand. He loosened the string as much as he could and he slowly pulled off the glove. Jane's hand remained in a tight fist. He repeated the same movements with her left hand quicker this time and within a few seconds he had both hands free from the gloves. But both remained tightly clenched.

He took her right hand into both of his a second time. Slowly, very slowly he worked to free each finger starting with the thumb. Finger by finger he loosened the grasp enough that her hand went from a tight fist to a loose half curled claw. But the pressure was released. Again, he repeated the same motions for her left hand as well. He stepped back and looked at Jane. The freeing of her hands seemed to relax her just a bit.

"Why aren't you at home with Maura, Jane?"

"She's mad at me," the answer came out as a whisper.

"Why is she mad at you?"

"Because I won't tell her something."

"Why won't you?" He knew enough not to go straight to the question of what she wouldn't tell her.

"Because I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want her to know."

"Why?"

There was silence for what seemed like an eternity. And then, "Vince?"

"Yes?"

"Did you ever tell any of your wives the worst thing about yourself? The worst thing you have ever done?"

He thought for a second. He had four of them he had to think about. But really he knew before he went through the list. "No."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't love any of them the way you love her. And they didn't love me the way she loves you."

"And if I lose her?"

"Then at least you made it her choice. If you don't tell her, it will always be your choice. And you'll lose her for sure. Don't decide for her. That's not fair to either of you."

Jane released a heavy sigh.

"Jane. I don't know what it is that you can't or won't tell Maura. I know you well enough to know you think it's bad. I think you think it's something unforgiveable. I can only tell you that I have watched the two of you for years now. I have watched your relationship grow from friendship into love. A kind of love not many people in this world have.

"I will tell you that this is the time for you to trust in that love. To trust in the one that loves you back. Otherwise you are giving in to fear and you are better than that. Your life with Maura is better than that. Can you ever imagine not loving her?"

"No…" again the answer was a whisper.

"Then trust that she can't either."

She didn't say anything for a minute. "Vince?"

"Yes?"

"Will you drive me home?"

"Sure."

He took Jane back to her apartment. At 3 am even he knew that she wasn't going to ask to taken to Maura's. He got Jane into her apartment and even helped her into bed. He had decided when he first got the call from the desk sergeant that he would stay the night to watch over her. So he made himself as comfortable as he could on her couch. Both found sleep quickly as it was the end of a very long day.

The sound of a key in a lock was what first stirred his sleep. The sound of heels hitting the floor made him sit up and look around. When his eyes could focus they focused on Maura entering Jane's apartment.

"Vince?" she said a little startled to see him on the couch.

"Maura," he answered with still some sleep to his voice.

"Vince I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I didn't think anyone else was here."

He sat up and tried to stretch. He knew his body would rebel against having slept on a couch all night. He was stiff. "That's alright. I needed to get up anyway."

Maura looked at Jane's closed bedroom door. "How is she?"

"You heard about Johnston I assume."

Maura nodded. "Angela told me this morning. I wish she would have called me. Or dispatch. Or someone should have called me."

"Sorry. Jane insisted that we not call you. I wasn't up to arguing against that with her last night."

She nodded again. "Is she ok?"

"About the shooting, yes. It was a clean shoot. She saved Frost. She'll be ok with that."

"And everything else?"

"Doc, that's between the two of you."

Maura nodded.

Korsak got up to leave. His work here was done. Before exiting he turned to Maura. "It's not my business but mind if I say one thing?"

"Go ahead."

"She wants to tell you. For the first time since I've known her she actually wants to say whatever the hell it is that scares her to someone. You are the one and the only one. Don't let her not tell you. No matter what. She needs to get it out." He paused. "And I think she will. But be patient with her."

"Thanks Vince." And he walked out.

Maura slowly approached Jane's bedroom door. She steadied herself and slowly opened the door. Looking into the room she saw Jane curled up in the fetal position and asleep on a corner of the bed. She looked so small and vulnerable.

Maura made her way over to Jane. She paused when she reached the bed and then slowly bent down and gently kissed Jane's forehead. She wasn't going to wake her. Jane needed the sleep. She straightened up and looked down at the still sleeping beauty.

"Today's the day Jane. You will deal with your past. We will deal with it together." It was a whisper so soft Maura wondered if she hadn't thought it instead of said it. She quietly exited the room and settled in waiting for Jane to wake up on her own.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_Noise. I am making too much of it. It needs to be quiet. I need to be quiet. I can't think when it isn't quiet and I need to think. I need to figure out where it is. Where I am for that matter. I am in a room. Have I been here before? Yes. Maybe. It feels oddly familiar but it is too dark. I can't see anything. Focus. Look around. It's too dark. It was brighter last time wasn't it? Last time? Was there a last time? Think damn it! _

_Stairs. I know there are stairs. But where? Maybe if I move forward. I can do that. But slowly. I still can't see anything. I have to find it. I have to find where it is. I'm the only one. If I can't find it then it will be lost forever. There's no one else. Just me. I wish I could see. If there was just some light maybe I could find the stairs. _

_Wait. Stairs! I think those are the stairs. Don't run. It's too dark. Move forward. Feel around. Don't make too much noise. Yes. Stairs. Ok, progress. Now I need to go down. Slowly. I've tried this before. Haven't I? Yes. But I couldn't get down there last time. I tried. But I couldn't get there. Maybe if I go slower I'll get there. It's down there. It has to be down there. _

_Why is it darker down there than it is up here? I still can't see up here so how am I supposed to see down there? It's almost black down there. But I need to get down there. Everything depends on me finding it. I have to get there. One step at a time. Slowly. Step. Step. Step. Ok, progress. I'm almost there. I'm getting there. Just a few more steps. I can do this. I'm almost there. I still can't see. One more step. _

_Why is my heart racing? Breathe. Get control. In. Out. Slowly. Just one last step and I will be there. Just one more. I need to stop shaking. That's not going to help me find it. It's still too dark. And I thought it was just one more step. But that was two steps ago. I thought I was there. Why can't I get there? I have to. It all depends on me. Everything. It's on me. _

_And I can't. I can't get there. I can't find it. I can't. Can't._

"No!" screamed Jane as she snapped straight up in bed. Disoriented she let her eyes dart around trying to figure out exactly where she was. Before she could even focus on details she heard a noise. A door opening. She then heard her name. She wasn't sure where she was but she was sure of that voice. That voice that sounded like an angel. Maura. "Maura?" she breathed.

Maura was rushing to Jane's side. The sight of Jane startled her. Her eyes were darting around the room but not focusing on anything. She was sweating and her breathing was rapid and erratic. She had a look of sheer panic on her face. "Jane!"

Jane heard Maura's voice and that helped her clear her head. She took in her surroundings. She was home. In her bed. Just knowing that made a difference. She slumped back a down a bit in bed and found that she couldn't catch her breath. Maura reached her a second later. She was on the bed in the second after that. And then her arms were wrapped around Jane. She had her in a tight embrace.

"Jane, it's ok. It was a dream. It was just a dream. You're ok." Maura pulled Jane into her arms and held her as tightly as she could. Jane was shaking. Her whole body was trembling and Maura wanted to wrap her into such an embrace that the shaking would stop. "Breathe for me Jane. Slowly. Take a deep breath. Slowly in. Slowly out."

Jane focused on Maura's voice. Her touch had already started to settle her. Feeling Maura's arms around her had grounded her. She started to listen to Maura. Slower breaths. It was hard but she was starting to get her breathing under control. She was still trembling but that was getting better too. Slowly her body was calming down. "Maura? You're here?"

Maura tightened her grip on Jane again feeling that it was helping. "I'm always going to be here Jane. Always." She whispered it right into Jane's ear so she knew Jane would hear it. Jane heard her. Hearing that was all it took for her to break down and cry. Hard, body shaking sobs. Maura pulled her in tighter and let her cry it out. She knew Jane needed to get it out.

It took time but slowly Jane got the emotions in check. The sobs eased to whimpers. The whimpers eased to tears. The tears slowly stopped. Throughout that process Maura just held her. She didn't say anything. She didn't push. She didn't want her voice to be what pulled Jane out sooner than Jane was ready. She let Jane work it out on her own time. And slowly Jane did. When she was done she pulled herself out of Maura's embrace and straightened up leaning her head back up against her headboard.

"I'm sorry," Jane offered.

"For what?"

"For walking out on you the other night. I shouldn't have done that."

"I wish you hadn't. I thought we were both done running from each other. I can't help you when you aren't around for me to help. You know I just want to help you, right?"

Jane nodded. And then was silent.

"Tell me about the dream Jane." Maura knew she had to start somewhere.

"It's hard to explain. Most of the time I can't recall details." It was an answer. And the truth. And it was a start.

"Try. Just talk to me. What you remember. Images. Feelings. Even if it doesn't make sense to you. Just start talking to me and we can figure it out together."

Jane hesitated for just a second. But in that second she heard Korsak's voice in her head.

_If you don't tell her, it will always be your choice. And you'll lose her for sure. Don't decide for her. _

He was right. She had to start talking to Maura. It was time to trust in the person that meant the most to her. So she started.

"It's dark. It's always dark. There aren't colors so everything is in different shades of gray. It's not exactly the same every time but it's always familiar. I think the brightness changes from dream to dream. Sometimes it's bright. Usually it's dark. Sometimes in the dark my eyes adjust and I can see things. Make out things. But sometimes my eyes never adjust. And I can't make out details."

"Do you know where you are?"

She shakes her head. "Usually I'm in a room. In a house I think but sometimes when it's so dark I can't make out anything I don't think I'm in a house. I think it's just a room. But what room or where I'm at I don't know."

Maura was beyond relieved that Jane was talking. She wanted to understand and to help the conversation along. But she also didn't want to push too hard and interrupt Jane. She was going to have to walk a fine line through this. "What else can you remember?"

"Stairs. I'm looking for stairs. I always find them but I can't always walk down them."

"Do they always go down or are they ever leading up?"

Jane thought for a minute. "Never up. Or at least I don't ever remember stairs leading up. Down. Definitely down. Sometimes I can find them right away. A few times they aren't there and then suddenly they are. Like I have to remember that I'm looking for stairs before they appear."

"You said you can't always walk down them. What stops you?"

"Fear. Or at least I think it's fear. Sometimes I can't even get myself to take a step. Like my feet are bolted to the floor."

"And the other times?"

"The other times I start walking down. But I never seem to get anywhere. I move down the steps but I never get to the last one. To the bottom. I never get to where I'm trying to go."

"Do you know why you are trying to go down the stairs?"

"I think I'm looking for something. I think it's at the bottom of the stairs. But I never get there so I don't know."

"What are you looking for?"

Jane was quiet again. "I don't know. I just know there is something I have to find."

"What else?"

"There's a feeling of desperation. Like I absolutely have to find what I'm looking for. That I am the only one that can find it and it's critical that I find it. Something important depends on me finding it."

Maura took all of what Jane had said into consideration. She had questions but she felt like she should offer up some insight before trying to push for more detail. "Jane, I'm not an expert in dream interpretation. I seriously question the science behind trying to interpret the images of a dream. But I am aware of the concepts and some generally accepted beliefs in what some imagery means.

"It is believed that dreams about walking down stairs represent some repressed memories a person is trying to get to access. Your inability to move down the stairs at times could very well mean that you do fear what memories you are trying to remember. I would also suggest that the feeling that you are looking for something but are unable to consciously verbalize what it is you are looking for would make sense in the context of repressed memories.

"As for the room and what it may represent, it is generally believed that rooms represent a specific area of the person's subconscious mind. A dark, confined room can be interpreted as a person feeling trapped within the subconscious mind usually due to an inability to deal with a memory or traumatic event. Jane, with the images and feelings you are describing to me I don't think it is a stretch to say that these dreams may very well have to do with your need to deal with some memory or event that happened to you."

Jane listened to Maura. What she was saying made sense to her. It was what she thought the dreams meant all along. The only place where she could argue with Maura's interpretation efforts was the reference to repressed memories. The memory wasn't repressed. She was haunted by it. And had been for years.

Maura was not quite sure how to interpret Jane's silence. She was not objecting to anything Maura had offered up but she wasn't necessarily agreeing either. She got the impression that Jane agreed with what Maura had said. She felt like they were making progress. Jane had at least described the dream which wasn't anything she had done in the past. But what was behind the dream, the memory, was yet to be mentioned.

"Jane, how long have you had dreams like this?" Maybe she could narrow down when whatever this event or trauma was had occurred in Jane's life.

Jane heard the question. She knew if she answered it would be only the beginning. To answer this question would be to commit to telling Maura everything. This was the moment. Answer and finally let someone in. Deflect or divert and push Maura away. Probably for the last time. Jane took a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the woman she loved.

And she decided. It was really the only choice she could make.

And Maura heard an answer.

"24 years."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N So below contains most of the answers to what's haunted Jane for years. Not everything but enough that I think you all should see the big picture. 1- A warning that this and the next chapter are very dark in nature and tone. 2- Thanks for being patient enough with me to let this play out slowly. I know I have driven a lot of you crazy with cliff hangers.**

Chapter 16

Maura just looked at Jane. Could she have heard that right? Had Jane just said 24 years? She continued to look at her. Part of her was looking to see if Jane was kidding. Exaggerating maybe. But she wasn't. The look on Jane's face let Maura know immediately that she wasn't joking. Maura did quick math in her head. What could have happened to Jane when she was twelve that haunted her still?

"Jane…" her tone was soft but filled with concern. "What happened?"

Jane felt Maura's eyes concentrated upon her. She couldn't bring herself to look Maura in the eyes after answering her. She knew that there was so much more to be said. And she also knew she was going to have a hard time looking at Maura at all if she was going to tell her everything. The sympathy and kindness that was innate in Maura's eyes was just not what Jane wanted to see at the moment.

Instead, she shifted herself on the bed into a position that pulled her away from Maura. She pushed her back up against the headboard and brought her knees up towards her chin and she wrapped her arms around them so she was in a tight ball as if to protect herself.

Jane, not quite ready to get into the details just yet shifted to ask Maura a question first. "Are you sure you want to know any of this?"

"I want to help you. Whatever it is you can't continue to let it eat at you. Every time you have a nightmare that is your subconscious trying to get you to deal with this. I'll do anything I can to help you but you will have to tell me what it is for me to be able to. So, yes, I want to know."

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I'm scared it will make you look at me differently. That it will change what you think of me."

"Jane. Look at me." And Maura leaned closer and tilted Jane's head up so she was forced to look into Maura's eyes. "I love you. Everything about you. The good and the bad. There isn't anything you could tell me that will change that. So please, don't let fear continue to make you shut me out of your life. I want to share everything with you. Even this. I'm here. I'll be here as you tell me and I will listen to anything you have to say. I won't judge you. And I promise I'll be here after you have told me. You've held on to this pain long enough."

Jane saw the compassion in Maura's eyes. She was promising to still be there after. After she told her. Jane was going to have to believe in that promise. She nodded her head. "This isn't easy for me. I've never told anyone. I'm not even sure where I should begin."

"I'm not going anywhere. Just start at the beginning and we will take it from there."

Jane nodded her head but closed her eyes. The very thought of starting anywhere when it came to this made her head start to spin. She felt nauseous. Her body was starting to fight with her resolve to open up to Maura. She felt her heart start to race and her palms were starting to sweat. She tried to calm herself with slow, deliberate breaths. She was starting to wonder if she could verbalize what happened.

Maura watched Jane and she could see she was fighting her emotions and her body. The sweating and heart palpitations were starting to remind her of someone who was struggling with post traumatic stress disorder. That probably wasn't too far off the mark as a diagnosis for Jane considering that the memories were being forced to manifest themselves in her dreams. Her heart broke for Jane. The internal struggle she was watching Jane go through was immense.

Maura was trying to be patient but watching Jane struggle made her wonder if she should try to push her to help her. The longer Jane went without speaking the more Maura feared she would change her mind and not continue. Maura waited for what felt like an eternity and Jane had still not started speaking. Maura decided to force the issue. It was a risk but she couldn't continue to watch Jane quietly struggle with it any longer.

"Jane," she started slowly. "Tell me about Benjamin."

Jane's eyes shot wide open and she stared at Maura. Maura had never seen such a look cross Jane's face. It was a mix of shock, bewilderment and astonishment. Maura had wanted to snap Jane out of her quiet state which she had successfully done. But she had wanted her to start talking which was still not happening. But then, finally, there was progress.

"Where…? How…?" Jane couldn't complete either thought but then answered her own questions with one answer. "Frankie."

"Don't get mad at him. He didn't tell me anything more than a name. He didn't even want to tell me that. It's not his fault. I guilted him into it." She was worried about Jane getting mad at her brother again. That wasn't what she wanted.

Jane, without commenting further about Frankie, shifted on the bed again and this time she got up. She stood and started to walk. Maura, not sure where Jane was going or what she should do, continued to sit on the bed. Jane walked over to her closet and turned on the light. Maura could hear her rummaging through the closet and she reappeared a moment later with a box in her hands. She turned off the light and turned back to Maura.

"Come on. If I'm going to tell you this I need to show you everything. Let's move this into the kitchen. This is going to take some time and I need a drink."

Maura got up and followed Jane into her kitchen. Jane put down the box she had pulled from her closet on to the island and pointed for Maura to have a seat at one of the bar stools. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water, one for her and one for Maura. She walked back to Maura and pulled up one of the stools next to her. She seemed to have gained a sense of determination to share with Maura the events of her childhood that had haunted her.

She took the lid off the box she had brought into the kitchen. The first thing she pulled out and handed over to Maura was a photo. The photo was an old Polaroid crinkled just a bit and had some discoloring. Maura took the photo and looked at it. She was clearly looking at a very young Jane who was standing next to an equally young boy. The boy had blond hair and blue eyes. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt with what looked like robots and the words 'GoBots' across the top. Jane had on a similar t-shirt also advertising "GoBots' but it appeared to be a different robot and the shirt was a different color.

"How old are you here?" Maura asked.

"Eleven. So was Ben."

"I'm sorry but what does 'GoBots' mean?"

Jane smiled her first smile in what felt like days. "You really were deprived of a lot of things from your youth Maur. GoBots were action figure toys. Basically they were robots that could be twisted into vehicles too. Besides the toys, there was a cartoon about them too. So as a kid you could watch the cartoon and play with the toy. There was good versus evil- or Guardians versus Renegades. And I loved them. I collected them all."

Maura smiled too thinking about Jane as a tom-boyish child. "So, transformers. Ok."

"Not Transformers. GoBots. There was a big, big difference." She paused and looked at Maura. "Okay, yes like Transformers. But GoBots came out first and I liked them more. Then Transformers came out and everybody, even my own brothers, had foresaken GoBots for the newer, shinier Transformers. But I didn't. I held firm with my love of the GoBots. I, sadly, was in the minority. In our neighborhood, it was me and Ben. Everyone else watched and played Transformers. Ben and I stayed loyal to GoBots."

"Sorry. I clearly need to get better with my pop culture knowledge."

"It's okay. I can't blame you for how you were raised but remind me to speak with your mother about that."

"I will. So you and Ben were friends?"

"Yeah. He lived down the street from us. Our neighborhood was full of kids and we all played together all the time. Some more than others but most nights the entire neighborhood would come together and just play. It was before the age of video games. Before the Internet. Before people thought it was alright to just watch TV all the time. During the summer, Tommy, Frankie and I would be out of the house early and not return until dark. It was back before you really had to worry about your kids being safe. We'd be gone 12 hours and Ma wouldn't even think to look for us unless it was dinnertime or the weather turned bad.

"We had a safe neighborhood. No one locked their doors. No one worried about break-ins. Everyone floated from house to house and the parents of the kids all just took care of everyone. Ma patched up as many kid's elbows and knees as I had to have patched up by other mother's. Everyone just looked out for everyone."

"That sounds like a great childhood."

"It was. We were lucky. You can't do that anymore. The world is different. Now, now I get mad when I see kids out playing but no adult supervising nearby. It's sad really. I wish the world hadn't changed on that point. But, given all the kids I played with when I was a kid, Ben and I probably spent the most time together. And it started with our love for the GoBots and refusal to abandon them for the Transformers the rest of the neighborhood adopted.

"He was a sweet kid. Kind. Funny. A good athlete. He excelled at baseball. Even at eleven he could crush the ball. I always thought he would grow up and play for the Red Sox. He had so much potential. We all knew it too. Even when we were that young we all thought he would be the kid from the neighborhood that made it to the big time."

"He has a gentleness about him. You can see it even in this picture."

"Ma took this picture. It was the day we had our first official meeting of the 'GoBots Forever' club of which I was President and he was Vice President."

"Wow, a female President. Impressive."

"Not really. I got the title because we held the meetings in my basement. And we were the only two members so it wasn't even like I won a vote. But we thought we would start a revolution and convert the neighborhood back to the GoBots. Which, for the record, never happened."

"Sorry."

"The thing about Ben that most people didn't know was his home life was pretty bad. His parents were not happily married. They fought all the time. That was no secret. You could hear his folks fighting with each other all the time. Yellers. They were both yellers. One trying to outdo the other and the volume would just go higher and higher. Ben was like me. He was the oldest but he had another brother and a little sister. When the fights got really loud Ben would take his brother, Chris, and his sister, Molly, out of the house so they didn't have to listen to the yelling and the swearing.

"The entire neighborhood knew the parents fought but the entire neighborhood also assumed that it was just yelling. No one thought much about it. They felt bad for Ben's mother. They always saw her as the sympathetic one that put up with a loud and angry husband. No one, not my folks, not anyone else in the neighborhood, ever suspected that there was any physical abuse going on in the house."

"But there was?"

Jane only nodded at this. "They hid it well. They both did."

"Both?"

Jane only nodded again. "We all heard the fights. I think that was why everyone missed out on the physical abuse. I think everyone just assumed since they never tried to hide the yelling and no one ever heard any sounds of physical abuse that the worst thing the kids had to live through was the screaming. No bruises, black eyes or busted lips were ever seen and neither of Ben's parents was ever seen even as much as spanking one of them in public."

"But he was beat?"

To answer that, Jane reached into the box and pulled out a folder that resembled a police report file. She handed over the file to Maura for her to look at. Maura opened the file and found a collection of hospital and medical reports. She saw immediately the answer to her own question. She was looking a pretty long medical history for Ben that showed a clear history of abuse. Broken ribs. Broken radius and ulna. Both spiral breaks that would suggest twisting was involved. A broken clavicle. All over a span of about three years.

"Jane. No one saw this? The doctor's didn't see the pattern of abuse?"

"No. And again this goes back to a different time. A time when I don't think most doctors looked for signs of abuse the way that they do now. Schools weren't mandatory reporting agents. Unless it was witnessed or the child looked like he was beat no one really questioned broken bones. Ben was athletic. He always claimed a sports injury when he was asked. Even to me. And I never questioned it. You should see my medical records for that time period. There were very few bones I didn't break."

Maura nodded. "I've seen them and you are right. You look this bad on paper too. But your parents didn't hurt you. Did they?"

"No. I was just always the kid that did the stupid dares. I'm surprised I survived my childhood sometimes."

"Did he ever tell you about any of this?"

Jane dropped her eye contact with Maura for the first time since she really started walking Maura through her story. Maura immediately knew the answer wasn't something Jane wanted to say yet and she felt bad for asking. Jane was quiet for a minute.

Jane finally skipped past the question and continued her story. "When we were twelve, about a year after that picture was taken, Ben started to act different. He stopped playing sports. He stopped hanging out as much. He got really quiet. We had abandoned our GoBots obsession by then but had still spent time together. But that time dwindled as the year progressed.

"I thought maybe he was just starting to realize I was a girl and that maybe he should be hanging out with boys but he didn't really ditch me to hang with other kids. He just stopped socializing. So one day I decided to talk to him and see why he wasn't hanging out with me or anyone else really. I tried to corner him after school but he got out faster than me and had a pretty good head start. Based on where we lived and where the school was the kids in our neighborhood all walked to and from school. I knew he was ahead of me but I thought I could catch up to him. So I followed after him.

"I was about to catch up to him but I suddenly figured out that he wasn't going home. Instead of walking the normal route home Ben had taken a different way. I got curious and followed him now more focused on wanting to see where he was going than because I wanted to talk with him. I ended up following him into a wooded area that was a few miles from our neighborhood. He was headed somewhere specific and that made me even more curious.

"Eventually he came upon an abandoned shack. Whose it was and why it was in the woods I had no idea. But I wanted to see inside and I wanted to find out why Ben was there." She paused to reach into the box again and she pulled out a photo of the shack and handed it over to Maura. The shack was old, wooden and looked like a stiff breeze could have blown it over. No windows but a door and plenty of gaps between some of the boards that would have allowed for light during the day.

Jane continued. "I walked up to the door and knocked. I wasn't sure if he was alone or maybe meeting new friends. But he was alone. He was a little surprised to see me but he let me enter the shack. Once inside I saw plenty of his personal belongings. A sleeping bag, Snoopy and Woodstock, a…" she paused again and looked at Maura. "Think 'Charlie Brown Christmas' Maura," and she waited for Maura to connect the dots.

"Oh. The cartoon dog that has a lot of human characteristics."

"Yes. That's Snoopy."

"Ok. I got it."

"So besides the sleeping bag there were some books, a flashlight, some water and food and some clothes. It looked to me like he had found a secret hide out to goof around in and that's what I asked him. He got a look on his face that made me believe there was more involved and he finally told me he was storing his supplies there temporarily. I asked him why he needed supplies and he told me he was planning on running away. I thought he was joking at first but he wasn't. And then he told me why he was running away."

"He told you about the abuse."

Jane nodded. "He broke down and told me everything. It was both his parents. They would get so mad at each other that Ben or his brother would end up taking the brunt of it. Mostly Ben from what he told me. A lot of grabbing and twisting and throwing. Neither parent hit across the face. It didn't happen a lot but enough. He told me every bone he broke was from either his mother or his father and not a sports accident.

"I wanted to have him tell someone. A teacher or someone. He refused. And then he made me promise not to say a word. He made me swear. Not my parents. Not my brothers. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. And I promised. I never should have. I should have left that shack and found the first adult I trusted and screamed at them about what was happening. But I didn't. I swore I'd keep it a secret."

"Jane, you were just twelve years old. You were only a kid. You can't blame yourself for not saying anything."

"Maura I was old enough to have known that what was happening to Ben was wrong and even at twelve I should have told someone. But that wasn't even the biggest mistake I made in all of this. It was just the first."

"I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. Again, you were just a child."

Jane didn't acknowledge Maura's comment. But she did continue. "He told me his plan. He was leaving at the end of the week. He had this idea that he would flee to a cousin's house and hide out there. I tried to point out that the cousin would probably tell his parents where he was but he seemed convinced that his cousin would hide him. So I asked what else he needed. All he said he needed was for me to not tell anyone he was running away if I was questioned. I was just supposed to say I didn't know anything. And again, I agreed. Mistake number two."

"Jane."

"Maura please. Even at twelve I should have known better. On a lot of things."

Maura held her tongue. She was trying not to judge. And it wasn't Jane's actions she felt herself judging it was Jane's blaming of herself that she had an issue with. But she wanted Jane to keep on talking so she let it drop.

"So true to his planning, two days later Ben didn't show up for school. No one thought too much of it. Again, different times. Schools didn't really check on missing kids. They were either skipping or home sick. I knew he was gone and gone on purpose but I never said a word. Not one. For three days. It took three days for anyone to start really asking questions about where Ben was.

"I remember when our phone rang. It was Ben's mom and she asked Ma if she had seen Ben lately. I remember Ma first saying no and then asking what she meant by lately. I remember Ma screaming when she must have been told that they hadn't seen Ben in three days. And then she yelled for me. I walked into the kitchen and she pulled the phone down and looked right at me and asked me if I knew where Ben was. And I lied. I said I had no idea and that the last I saw him was at school three days ago. I said I thought he was just home sick. And Ma believed my lies. Everyone believed me. Mistake number three."

Maura shook her head still thinking Jane was being way too hard on herself. "So, did they ever figure out that he ran away?"

Jane paused and again diverted her eyes from Maura. She absentmindedly started to rub the scar on her left hand, something she hadn't done at all until that moment and something Maura knew she only did when she was really bothered by something. She was starting to get an idea about what was still inside the box that Jane hadn't shared yet. And she was slowly starting to get an idea about why Jane was blaming herself for a series of innocent childhood incidents. "Jane?"

Jane reached into the box again and pulled out another photo. She kept this one tilted away from Maura and she let her eyes focus in on the image that it contained. Maura noticed Jane's hands were visibly shaking at this point and instinctually Maura knew not to push Jane to show the photo until she was ready. It would take a few minutes.

"As it turned out, he hadn't run away," Jane said it more as a whisper than anything else. And she handed Maura the photo.

"Oh God!" was all Maura could say. For she was looking at a crime scene photo. One of Ben. But the gentleness she had seen in the first photo of Ben had been replaced with the all too familiar vacant empty gaze of a lifeless twelve year old.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Maura's eyes drifted from the photo back up to Jane and back down to the photo. She looked past the image of Ben in the photo and focused in on the surroundings. It looked like there were woods in the background and she thought she could see the corner of the wooden shack Jane had already shown her in the corner of the photo. She had been quiet for a long time. Maura hesitated before asking a question.

"What happened?"

Jane reached into the box again. This time she pulled out an actual police file. It wasn't the original case file Maura knew but she was still a bit shocked that Jane had a copy of the police file in her possession. Jane opened the file and flipped through some of the papers. She was still only giving Maura small pieces of the story. She wanted to control the release of the information and Maura knew she had to let that happen. She found what she wanted and headed it over to Maura.

It was a copy of the official medical examiner's report from Ben's autopsy. It was prepared by a Dr. Steven Hollingsworth. Maura had heard of Hollingsworth. He had long since retired from the coroner's office but his reputation was solid. She flipped through the report. The methodology and available technology was significantly different in the 1980s than what Maura was used to today.

"The report finds cause of death was an acute subdural hematoma resulting from a traumatic brain injury." Jane nodded but didn't say anything. "It also lists the death as accidental." Maura looked back up at Jane with a bit of confusion. "Was it an accident?" As she asked this she noticed Jane grew slightly paler. "Jane?"

"The ME at the time, given what was available to him by way of information and medical resources, couldn't classify it as anything other than accidental." Maura did not miss the fact that Jane didn't actually answer her question. Jane leafed through the police report file again and pulled out another few pages. She handed over the pages to Maura.

Maura looked at the pages and found she was looking at the detective summary of events. She scanned through the pages quickly. The assigned detective, a Detective O'Shea, recapped his findings. Ben had been found in the woods a few miles from his house and was DOA. There was a noticeable head injury and cause of death was later determined to be a result of the head injury. There was no evidence of foul play. No evidence of assault or other injuries. Ben had been reported as missing 18 hours prior to being found. His bicycle was found leaning up against a tree in the woods and lacking further evidence it was presumed that Ben was playing in the woods and had simply fallen quite possibly from the tree his bike was leaning against.

Maura looked at the medical report again. She wished she had a CT scan which she knew wasn't available back then. But X-rays were and she wanted to at least look at them. As if reading her mind, Jane pulled out the X-rays. Maura was past being surprised by what was in the box Jane possessed. She took the X-rays and walked into the kitchen and held them up to the light.

"Jane, this looks like an injury that is more consistent with a blow to the head than with what would have occurred from a fall."

"I know."

"So, it wasn't an accident."

"No."

"Then why was it ruled an accident?"

Jane grew another shade paler and took a deep breath. "Because no one had a reason to suspect any other explanation." She steadied herself against her chair when she spoke and Maura picked up on the shakiness of her voice. "My fourth mistake and my biggest."

"You're mistake? How could that be your mistake?" Maura was now completely confused.

Jane didn't answer that.

Maura looked back that the detective's summary and let her eyes run over the pages again. And then she saw it. She turned and looked at Jane again. "18 hours? It says here that Ben was found 18 hours after being reported missing. But I thought you said he was gone for three days."

"The day I followed Ben to the shack was a Wednesday. He told me that he was leaving in two days. He was leaving on Friday. Friday morning he wasn't at school. I didn't see him Saturday or Sunday. Ma got a call Sunday night from Ben's mother. Ben was reported missing to the police Sunday night by Ben's father. Monday afternoon a search team found him in the woods by the shack."

"So that's three days. You said Angela was told three days over the phone."

"I heard her scream at Ben's mother about the three days. I was listening at the door. Ma yelled about why they hadn't called any of Ben's friends sooner."

"So, what happened to the three days?"

Jane looked away from Maura. "The story changed after Ben was reporting missing."

"And no one questioned this?"

"No one argued with the presented timeline."

"Angela?"

Jane shook her head. "Ben's mother ended up convincing her that she never said anything about three days over the phone. She convinced Ma that they had last seen Ben after Sunday dinner and reported him missing when he didn't' come home after it got dark outside."

"And you never corrected Angela?"

Jane shook her head. "Mistake number five."

"And she didn't ask?"

"She didn't know I was eavesdropping on the original call so she never asked. And I never said a word. Some of this I was never brought in on at the time. Adults tend to talk around kids but not with them when the subject matter was disturbing. I heard a lot of things during the first few weeks after Ben was found but I was also just a kid so I wasn't asked a lot of things."

"Do you think one of Ben's parents killed him?"

Jane nodded her head. She paused again for a minute and then admitted, "I don't think. I know."

That shocked Maura. "You know?"

Jane nodded again. And Maura noticed a single tear run down Jane's cheek. One Jane didn't bother to wipe away.

"How do you know Jane?"

"The night after Ben was found I took a walk to think about everything. I was trying to decide if I should say anything to the police about the abuse and that Ben had been planning on running away. I found myself walking passed Ben's house. I noticed smoke was coming from Ben's backyard and I was curious. So I crept around a neighbor's yard and that's how I watched Ben's father destroy what was most likely evidence. He was burning items in a trash can. I saw him burn Ben's sleeping bag and his Snoopy and Woodstock. All the things Ben had stored in the shack to help his running away. Ben's father burned it all."

"Jane that might not have meant he was guilty. I admit it looks bad and just from the X-rays I would say that Ben was killed to a blow to the back of the head and not a fall but…"

"He burned a blood stained shirt too."

That stopped Maura from continuing. She understood that Jane over the years had pieced together enough to know that one or both of Ben's parents had caused his death in some fashion.

Maura looked over at the box. The box seemed to hold all of the clues and evidence Jane had collected on this case. She wondered about that. She could understand why a twelve year old Jane didn't say anything but Jane was a detective now. Murder was a crime. Maura started to wonder why Jane hadn't taken the evidence she had and pursued the investigation officially. She looked up at Jane and was greeted with a question.

"Are you wondering why I haven't re-opened the case?"

Maura nodded. "I'm sorry. But yes. There is no statute of limitations on murder Jane."

Jane nodded in agreement. "You are absolutely right Maura. There isn't." And again she pulled out a police file from the box and handed this one to Maura to look at. The first thing Maura saw when she opened the file was a photo of what had at one time been a vehicle quite possibly a station wagon. But there wasn't any way to tell exactly what it was as the photo was of the aftermath of a terrible motor vehicle accident. Maura flipped through the pages of the accident report.

It had been a drunk driver. The driver, a 20 year old BCU college student, was driving at a high rate of speed and blew a red light. His blood alcohol content was 0.23 more than double the legal limit at the time of the accident. His car t-boned the station wagon and the drunk driver died upon impact. The passengers of the station-wagon, a family of four, all died as a result of injuries sustained from the crash. The mother and a son both located on the passenger side of the station wagon and the location of impact were killed instantly. The father and driver of the station wagon died in transport to the hospital. The daughter died four days after the crash never regaining consciousness from the accident. The family was Ben's family. And they had all died. Just over one year after the death of their first son.

"I never got the chance to make it right. I never got a chance to bring justice for Ben. I failed him a second time."

"A second time?"

Jane went to answer but paused. Instead she asked a question. "Do you remember the moment you decided to become a doctor?"

Maura was thrown by that question. She had to think for a minute. "Not really, no. I remember my love for science. I remember how happy it made me to be in a world that was all about facts and how I felt not dealing with emotional reactions to things. Medicine just seemed to be the next natural step for me but I can't say I remember an exact moment where I decided on that. Why? Do you remember the moment you decided to be a cop?" And Maura already knew Jane's answer would be a 'yes'.

Jane reached into the box for what would be the last time. She placed the now empty box off to the side and handed a smaller, heavily taped box to Maura. The sides had been cut so the box itself was actually easy to open. Jane signaled to Maura that she wanted her to open the small box. She opened the lid. Inside was a small action figure toy that she now knew must be a GoBot and a handwritten note.

Maura first pulled out a GoBot. It was in its robot form but Maura could see that with a few twists and tucks it would in fact turn into a vehicle. She looked up and the sight of the robot had put a smile on Jane's face. She handed it over to Jane carefully not wanting to have it fall and break. She turned her attention to the note. Before she started to read it Jane gave the background.

"I received both of these in the mail two days after Ben was found."

Maura opened the note and read it.

_President Janie_

_I am calling on you as my President to once again take up the charge of the Guardians. You and I both know that the superiority of the GoBots is unwavering and undeniable. I find it necessary that I leave here but I fear for the safety of Chris and Molly. I need the Guardians to protect them against the evil Renegade forces. Please Janie- be their Guardian and watch over them._

_I'll miss you most of all._

_Your humble Vice President_

_Benjy_

She looked back up at Jane after reading the note.

"I did what I could to keep an eye on them but they moved from the neighborhood about six months after Ben's death. Chris and Molly changed schools and there was just nothing more I could do. And then the accident." She was silent for a minute. "The day I read this note was the day I decided I wanted to be a cop. It was the day I knew I wanted to protect the ones that couldn't protect themselves."

Maura wasn't quite sure what to do or say. She was slowly piecing together why this had haunted Jane as deep as it had and for as long as it had. She couldn't imagine being in possession of the information about this that Jane had. She was starting to at least see the guilt that this carried for Jane. Maura for a moment tried to guess at what she would or wouldn't have done if this had been her. But she just didn't know. How could anyone know who hadn't been faced with that situation? And she was now an adult. It had been a child's thinking a child's reaction. One Jane clearly refused to forgive herself for.

"Jane, why have you never told anyone about any of this? Why has this been such an overwhelming secret for you?"

"At first I was scared of getting in trouble because I lied. After that I blamed myself, which I still do sometimes. Then it all turned into guilt. I felt responsible for what happened. I had the opportunity to intervene and maybe keep this from happening and I didn't. I had the chance to tell what happened and I didn't. Five critical mistakes that if I had just done one thing differently for any one of them the outcome may have been different. At some point the guilt turned into shame. I was convinced that if people found out that I let all of this happen, that I didn't tell what I knew, it would make people hate me. And for a long time I hated myself for not doing anything."

"You've carried too much of this with you for too long Jane. This wasn't your fault."

Jane dropped her eyes from Maura again and seemed unwilling to listen to her. Maura was desperate to reach Jane. She wasn't sure how but she wanted to cut through the guilt to help get Jane to start changing those beliefs. She wasn't sure where to start but she had to try. She reached over and took Jane's hands into hers.

"I think you are wrong about something," Maura offered.

"What?"

"On principle I don't agree with you labeling any of what happened as 'your mistakes' but that aside I completely disagree with you calling number four your biggest mistake for this whole incident."

Jane was bewildered. This, this was why she never told anyone about what had happened. It was changing the way Maura thought about her. She was going to see Jane differently. Jane was instantly panicked that this was now leading to a conversation where she may lose Maura too. She had failed to report a murder of a child to a cop and somehow Maura had found another mistake bigger than that. "Which of the five I named do you think was my biggest?" She was afraid to even hear the answer.

"I would say mistake number six what the worst of them all. Hands down."

"Number six? I never listed a number six. What mistake am I missing?"

"Mistake number six would be letting this very, very tragic incident dominate and dictate the life of the best person I have ever known. Jane, this wasn't your fault. You have the kindest heart and soul of any person I have ever met. I knew your heart and I know who you are. And I love you.

"Mistake number six, Jane, was to hold yourself accountable through the eyes of an adult for actions taken by a child. You can't look at what you did from the perspective of 20 years and the education of a police officer. You were just twelve years old and no matter how mature at twelve you may have been you were still just a child. These were all adult issues. Murder, abuse, guilt all of it are hard notions to understand and live with as an adult and they are certainly impossible for a child to fully understand.

"Mistake number six would be that you have allowed yourself such a limited level of happiness because you foolishly harbor a belief that you don't deserve to be happy. Somehow along the way you decided that your life wasn't important. That because Ben was gone and you played some part in it you weren't entitled to live your life to the fullest. You have let this tragedy keep you from so many people who have loved you because you think you don't deserve to be loved.

"Mistake number six is that you let all of this make you believe you were somehow a lesser person that doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Maybe you did make a mistake in this but at some point you have to forgive yourself for that. You have dedicated your life to protecting others. You have almost died more times than I care to count trying to protect others. You have more than made up for the mistakes of your youth by the life you have lived to this point.

"Mistake number six Jane. That has been the biggest mistake you made in the whole thing. Nothing comes close to that. Jane you are the best person I know. And after hearing all of this all I can say is that I still believe you are the best person I know. Not in spite of your past. It's truer now because I understand your past better than I ever have before. I love you so much."

Maura leaned in and gently kissed Jane. She hadn't let go of her hands and if she had her way she wasn't going to let go of Jane for the rest of the night. And maybe not ever again."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Jane slowly started to let herself ease into waking up. She had stirred about ten minutes prior for the first time but felt so comfortable that she as trying to resist the morning interrupting the comfort. But she was slowly losing the battle. She shifted a bit thinking maybe if she burrowed deeper under the covers and into the bed she would get lucky and have sleep again greet her with open arms. But it wasn't meant to be.

The weight of the arms currently wrapped around her made Jane smile. There really was something to be said for waking up in the arms of the woman you loved. Jane knew she could get very used to that feeling. She started to absentmindedly stroke Maura's arm with her fingers, lightly so as to not to awaken her. She may have been waking up but she felt no desire to break out of the engulfment she found herself in. Normally the morning found Jane with Maura curled into her but this morning the positions reversed and she was curled up tightly into the embrace of Maura. And she liked it. She more than liked it.

The events of the day before started to play back through Jane's mind. It had been a long, emotional day. But it ended with a sense of wonder and amazement for Jane. One she hadn't been expecting. And for things that hadn't happened not for things that had. Jane had shared a part of herself with Maura she never once thought she would share. A part of her that was her darkest. A part of her that was the center of all her shame, doubt and insecurities. She had shared it with Maura. And Maura was still here. Beside her. Jane hadn't expected that. She had hoped for it but she hadn't allowed herself to believe.

Jane was been convinced that Maura would leave if she knew. That she would acknowledge what Jane had done, or more to the point not done, and that she would decide Jane wasn't the person she thought she was. That she wasn't the person she loved. Jane had expected a look of disapproval and disappointment to cross her face and then an inability to allow for touch. A backing away. But none of that happened last night. None of it.

Maura hadn't left her. Hadn't run off. Hadn't judged her. Hadn't pushed her away. Instead, Maura spent the entire night by Jane's side. Talking, laughing, touching. She didn't hide her eyes. She didn't withhold her touch. In fact, she kept as close proximity to Jane as she could all night long. They stayed at the kitchen island for hours talking. Dinner was casual and consumed side by side. And then a retreat to Jane's couch where Maura let Jane rest with her head in her lap. Maura's fingers ran through Jane's hair for what felt like hours. They were just together. Simple. Honest.

And then it was a night of passionate love making with both ladies taking each other in and making the sex as tender as possible. Long, passionate kisses and exploring of each other for what turned into hours. Jane had experienced many levels of intimacy throughout her life but she was now convinced that she would never again have an intimate a night as what she experienced last night with Maura. The feelings were the most intense she had ever felt in her life. It wasn't the sex it was the emotions. Maura had been allowed in see the absolute worst about Jane and she still loved her. And the woman had done everything possible to make sure Jane fully accepted that her love was unwavering last night.

So when she looked down at the gorgeous sleeping form of the woman she now knew would be hers no matter what she felt such an intense level of satisfaction and happiness that it took her breath away. She had absolutely no idea what she had done to deserve Maura in her life but she made a commitment to herself right then and there that she would spend the rest of her life making sure Maura understood how wonderful she was and how grateful Jane was to have her. And then she let herself allow Maura for the first time into her heart completely.

As much as Jane hated to break away from Maura there were things she needed to take care of on this day. It was Sunday and Rizzoli family dinner night was still on. The extended family was all expected including Maura's mother Constance who had recently relocated to Boston to be closer to Maura. There were definitely things that needed to be done before both headed over to Maura's house.

Maura was still sound asleep and her breathing gave no indication of that status changing anytime soon. Begrudgingly, Jane carefully eased out of the arms of Maura and slipped out of bed. She immediately missed the touch of Maura's skin but there was something she had to finish. She made sure Maura was covered and remained asleep before walking away.

She quietly slipped into the bathroom and showered. The water felt good and helped her fully wake up. She finished getting cleaned up as quickly and as quietly as she could. When she exited the bedroom Maura was still sound asleep and Jane had to stifle a laugh at how Maura had managed to sprawl herself over the entirety of the bed. And she had to fight the urge to rejoin her.

She wrote a quick note to Maura and placed it on the nightstand. She knew Maura would wake before her return and she wanted to ensure that Maura understood that she hadn't run off away from her but was just off running an errand and would return to her as quickly as she could. And then she grabbed one thing and left.

She drove for about an hour to her destination. Normally she hated being in a car alone without music or talk radio or something to fill in the silence but this trip was made in complete silence. Jane found it peaceful and it helped her run through some thoughts that were still floating through her head. She pulled up to her destination and took a deep breath before getting out of the car. She tightened her hands around the items in her possession and found this helped calm her as well.

She walked up and looked at what had brought her out to where she was.

**Benjamin Michael Salvitori**

**March 13, 1976 – October 16, 1988**

**Beloved Son, Brother and Friend**

_**Our lives are less without you**_

Jane was quiet for a minute as she stood over his grave site. It had been a long time since she had come here. Too long. She glanced to the others: Chris, Molly, Janice and Anthony but she was here for Ben.

She stepped forward and placed the single red rose she brought with her onto the top of Ben's headstone. She then knelt down and placed the other item she had in her hand up against the headstone. She stood and looked down at the GoBot. She was certain it was back where it belonged.

She stepped back and took a breath.

"I failed you Ben and I will always regret that. But I am a Guardian now. And I will continue to fight against the forces of evil. I promise."

She stayed a few minutes longer and then turned and left.

Maura woke to an empty bed and was instantly panicked. She had been certain that her night with Jane had eased Jane's concerns about her past and whether she was still lovable. The emptiness next to her made her almost nauseous. She sat up and looked around. And then she saw it. The note. There was dread coursing through her as she reached over and took the note in her hands_. Please don't let this be a goodbye _was all Maura could think.

_Good morning Beautiful_

_Don't worry yourself. I haven't run off. I will never walk away from you again. But there are a few things I have to handle this morning. I'll return soon I promise. Get yourself up and ready. It's Rizzoli family dinner night and I'd like to spend the day with my family…my entire family._

_J_

_PS- What you did for me yesterday- it was everything. Know that._

_XOX_

Maura exhaled for what felt like the first time since rising. And then the gentleness of Jane's note found its way to her heart. There was such a tone to what Jane had written a tone rarely expressed by her that it warmed Maura's insides.

Yesterday had been both the most grueling and the most rewarding day Maura had ever had. Grueling in the sense that having to listen and watch Jane relive an obviously painful experience was emotionally draining on both of them. Rewarding in the sense that Jane had shared a part of herself with Maura. She had told her the secret. She had trusted Maura enough to do the one thing no one, including Jane and Maura, had believed Jane would ever do. Jane had let down her walls and let Maura in. And it meant everything to her.

The rest of the night after Jane was done telling her story was perfect. Emotional, tender and shared together. Maura had never felt more included and secure in a realm of love in her life. The rest of the night couldn't have been better. From the conversation to the closeness of both their bodies and hearts, Maura couldn't have asked for more. Wouldn't have asked for more. She had loved Jane. But after last night her love had reached a height she never thought existed.

She rolled out of bed and decided to get ready. Jane was right. It was family dinner night and she knew Angela was probably already up and in her kitchen starting the preparations. Tommy and Frankie would arrive earlier than the rest and Maura was excited to see her mother. Constance had become a regular at the dinners after her divorce from Phillip and her relocation to Boston. It meant everything to Maura that Constance was accepted into the Rizzoli family just as much as Maura was. It made her feel better that Constance wasn't feeling abandoned after the divorce had been finalized. Part of Maura still felt responsible for the divorce and Phillip's inability to see when he had gone tragically wrong with both Maura and Constance.

Maura headed for the bathroom to get cleaned up and after that she would patiently await the return of Jane. They would head to Maura's house together and she wouldn't have it any other way.

**A/N Okay guys….this story has 1 more chapter. And if I can get the crazy people from my actual life to stop interrupting me I think I can get it done and out tonight still. Stupid real life/job distractions…**

**Only time will tell- but I'll do what I can to get it posted still tonight.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Jane walked back up to her apartment and let herself in. "Maur? You ready to head out yet?" She walked the rest of the way into her place and was quickly greeted by Maura or Maura's lips to be precise. A long, passion filled kiss later Jane came up for air. "Um, not that I don't appreciate the greeting but I wasn't gone that long," she said with a smile.

"I know. But I still missed you. I would have preferred to wake up with you still next to me," she pouted.

"Sorry. But I had to handle a few things and with dinner I wanted to just get them done. Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," she answered. She wanted to ask what Jane had done but she didn't. Jane would tell her if she needed to know. She was sure of that now.

"Alright, let's go."

They walked down to the car together. Maura got into the car and was pleasantly surprised that Jane had a cup of coffee waiting for her in the cup holder. The thought was sweet. The coffee was better. "Thank you." And she leaned over for another kiss.

"I figured you would spend your time getting ready and not making coffee. I took a chance."

They drive a few blocks in a very comfortable silence. It was maybe the thing Maura loved most about their relationship. There was never awkwardness between them. Rarely could Maura be in a car or a room with someone and have the silence not feel tense or overbearing. But with Jane it was just comfortable.

"I've tried all morning to think of something better than thank you to say to you. Sadly, I can't come up with anything better." Jane had stopped at a light and was able to look into Maura's eyes when she said that. "It just feels so small compared to what last night meant to me. But, and forgive my limitations with the English language, thank you."

Maura reached over and took Jane's hand in hers. "I love you. You never need to thank me for that."

"On the contrary Doc. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough."

They entered Maura's house and as expected Angela was already cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Jane was immediately greeted by Jo jumping up on her and lavishing her with slobbery kisses. Jane held her and scratched her head as they walked all the way into the house.

"Hey girls!" greeted Angela acknowledging that they had come home.

"Hey Ma."

Angela finished cutting up some vegetables and came out of the kitchen to better greet them both. She went straight to Jane and embraced her. Jane hadn't been expecting it so she wasn't able to duck out of the way. "Janie! Oh Janie, are you ok? I heard about the shooting."

Jane weaseled her way out of the bear hug that was an Angela Rizzoli hug. "Ma! I'm fine. I wasn't hurt. Neither was Frost. It's ok."

Angela pulled her into another hug and Jane didn't fight this one as much as the first one. She knew Angela needed to hover at least for a minute so she gave in. Angela squeezed one more time and Jane swore she heard something along the line of "job will be the death of me" come from Angela but she wasn't sure. Angela pulled away and headed back into the kitchen to talk with Maura.

Maura had left the room to find Bass and make sure he was ok. She greeted him and offered up a strawberry for his enjoyment. She was just rejoining Jane and Angela in the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. She went to answer it and it was Tommy and Frankie.

"Hey guys. You know you don't really need to knock when you are coming over for dinner." She stepped aside and let both brothers into the house.

"Yeah? Habit I guess," Tommy offered up and made his way into the kitchen to say hi to Angela. Frankie lingered behind a minute.

"You ok?" he asked noting that she seemed happier than last time he had spoken with her.

Before she could even get a simple yes out she was cut off by Jane who had walked into the living room. She had a look on her face Maura hadn't seen before and it was directed at Frankie. Jane raised a hand, pointed a finger at Frankie and spoke.

"You. Outside. Now."

Frankie dropped his eye contact from Maura and lowered his head. He had expected Jane to be mad at him and apparently he was correct. Both Jane and Frankie started to walk to the side entrance when Jane heard Maura's voice.

"Jane. Don't. Please."

Jane turned and looked at Maura. "Maura please, this is between me and him."

And Maura just stared after them. She now was feeling completely guilty_. Jane couldn't be mad at him for telling me a name, could she?_

"What is that all about?" asked Angela snapping Maura's attention.

"Just a misunderstanding Angela. Let them talk." She went into the kitchen and was trying to see if she could a look at the siblings now standing in her backyard.

Jane didn't say another word. She and Frankie moved outside and away from prying eyes. Frankie tried a preemptive strike and attempted to speak. "Janie…"

But he was immediately cut off by Jane. Not by words. Not by a look. Not by even a fist which wouldn't have surprised him. He was cut off by a hug from Jane. As soon as they were out of sight from the others Jane engulfed him was a bear hug of her own. And Frankie had no idea what to do. So he just hugged back.

They stood there embracing for several minutes. Neither said anything. Finally Jane pulled back and Frankie was even more surprised to see Jane was a little teary eyed. She rested a hand on his elbow and looked at her younger brother.

"Thank you."

"So you're not mad?"

"No."

"Last time this cost us three months. I was prepared for this to cost us everything. Instead, I get a hug?"

Jane nodded. "It's what you should have gotten six years ago too. I'm just a little late to the game. I'm sorry about that."

This brought tears to Frankie's eyes. He wasn't going to have his sister, his hero, hate him. The weight of the world was now lifted from his shoulders. He couldn't help but smile. He cleared his throat and tried to shake off the tears. "Look, this probably isn't the place to get into any of it. I just want to make sure you are ok. That you and Maura are ok. We can talk about the rest some other time."

"I am ok. I really am. And we," she nodded her head towards the house, "are just fine as well. And yes, I can't really talk today but there are things we should probably discuss at some point. But for now, for tonight, just know that I owe you little brother. Maybe more than you will ever know." They embraced one more time. "Now we better get back inside before Ma stages an intervention."

They walked back into the house together and both were greeted by three sets of eyes bursting with curiosity. Only Maura seemed to understand that there wasn't anything to worry about once they walked back into the house together. Or at least she was the only one of the three that released the breath she had been holding while brother and sister were outside. She could immediately tell that Jane and Frankie had not fought. It warmed her insides all over again.

Angela watched all of the interactions and knew there was a story. She would get to the bottom of it at some point but sensed that tonight would not be the night for that. Watching two of her children reenter the house and not look like there was a major issue was enough for her to let things go. For now. She went back to the kitchen.

Maura approached Jane and wrapped her arms around her waist for a quick hug. Jane leaned back into the hug and muttered, "I love you." Maura just lightly kissed her neck.

"I'm going to help your mother with dinner. Go spend time with your brothers."

Jane wandered off to join the boys in the living room. A football game was starting soon and Maura knew that would engross the Rizzoli kids for at least an hour.

"Is everything alright?" Angela didn't hide the concern to her tone.

Maura approached Angela and placed a hand on her arm. "Everything is just fine." And she meant it too.

Angela looked at Maura. Clearly something had happened between her and Jane. Maura's mood and demeanor was completely different from the last time they had talked. She glanced from Maura to Jane and back to Maura. Maura hadn't taken she eyes off of Jane since she walked into the kitchen. There was absolutely no denying this lady's love for her only daughter. It was written all over her face and it made Angela smile. Whatever happened it was something for the better.

"What?" Maura asked seeing Angela's smile.

"Maybe that's what I should be asking you."

Maura now smiled. "All I can say for the moment is that if it is possible, I have fallen more in love with Jane than I ever knew was possible." And she turned from Angela to start to help with dinner.

_Oh I'm soooo going to get to the bottom of this soon_ was all Angela could think. But she smiled again.

Dinner prep continued and was only interrupted when Korsak and then Frost arrived. Angela bear hugged Frost the minute he entered the kitchen. She was so happy that he hadn't been injured on Friday. Frost was moved by the gesture even after Jane had to intervene so he could continue to breathe.

The last to arrive was Constance but she was by no means late. Jane and the men all stayed near the TV and watched football while Maura, Angela and Constance lingered in the kitchen drinking wine and chatting while working on dinner. Maura looked into the living room at one point and had a feeling rush through her. And she knew exactly what it was. There was such a peaceful feel to the house. She was surrounded by her family and her house felt like home for the first time that she could really remember.

Dinner was almost ready and Maura was assigned the task of rounding up all of the guests. She had somehow lost tabs on both her mother and Jane. She informed the men that dinner was ready and asked if they knew where Jane was. Tommy told her that he saw Jane and Constance out on the deck talking.

Maura walked to the sliding door and sure enough Jane was chatting with Constance. That sight put a smile on her face. She pulled the door open and stuck her head outside. "Dinner is ready you two."

Constance nodded and Jane answered, "We'll be right there."

A few seconds later the pair had re-entered to house and headed for the dining room.

"And what were you two chatting about?" Maura asked filled with curiosity.

"I told you I was going to discuss your upbringing with your mother. I was simply pointing out that you were deprived of a few too many childhood staples from cartoons to toys and games."

Maura looked in a bit of shock until she saw Jane and Constance both smiling. "Jane, you didn't!"

"Oh, she did. Apparently I was never suppose to withhold, and Jane make sure my list is correct, Saturday morning cartoons, Star Wars and a rather long list of toys which you may have to write down for me Jane," Constance continued to be nothing but smiles.

"I'll get you the official list," offered Jane.

"Jane!" Maura was mortified. The table all laughed.

"What? I said it wasn't your fault that you didn't get a chance to enjoy some of the best toys ever."

"Hey Janie, what were those robot things you collected and was obsessed with?" interjected Angela.

"Transformers Ma," answered Tommy before Jane could answer.

And again, before Jane could say a word she heard Maura, "Excuse me Tommy but Jane only played with GoBots. Never Transformers."

Jane, Frankie and Maura all broke out laughing. Constance and Angela raised an eyebrow knowing they were missing out on something. Frost and Korsak giggled at Maura's having corrected Tommy and Tommy looked impressed that Maura knew there was a difference.

The rest of the evening progressed perfectly. Good dinner. Good conversation. Great company. And slowly the night came to an end. Angela offered to stay and help clean up but both Jane and Maura threw the cook out of the kitchen. They both tackled the clean up together and when it was finished they both collapsed exhausted onto the couch. They both seemed to enjoy just resting next to each other for a minute.

"Bed?" Maura said at almost a whisper due to exhaustion.

"In a minute," answer Jane.

"Ok," she wasn't going to rush pulling away from Jane even for a second. But it was Jane who broke away from Maura. She pushed herself up and off the couch. Maura sat up expecting to join Jane but Jane suddenly placed a hand on her shoulder to keep her from standing. Jane then positioned herself on one knee and removed a box from her pocket. She looked right into Maura's eyes and pulled open the box exposing a simple but gorgeous diamond ring. Maura stopped breathing.

"I have wanted to ask this for a while. I just never felt like I had the right to. But now I do. My whole life has been an exercise in living in the past. I was trapped there. For most of my life I didn't even want to free myself. I didn't have a reason to. I have a reason now. I have you. And I want to put the past behind me. When a person lets go of the past it frees up not only their present but their future as well. Maura Dorthea Isles, you are my life. You are my everything. The love I have for you seems to grow with every passing day. Will you please do me the tremendous honor of spending all of my tomorrows by my side? Will you marry me?"

Maura, tears running down her cheeks, answered the only possible answer.

"Yes!"

**A/N Thanks for all those who followed, favorited, and commented on this story. It was a pleasure to read the thoughts and comments from you all. I have been asked to write more. I probably will. I have found this a great way to eat up my countless hours in hotels, airports and on planes. The life of a traveler can get monotonous. I am taking a much needed vacation (and silly me is traveling for that too) so I won't start anything until I return from that. I wouldn't want to put my daily updater status in jeopardy. **

**Thanks again for all the love and support. You all have made sharing what I write an amazingly awesome experience.**


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